Sweet Memories
by Lady Hermione C
Summary: After Hermione leaves Hogwarts, she starts out life brewing potions for WWW. However, when a certain brew goes wrong, and Hermione is thrown into the past without her memory, what is to become of her?
1. Trouble Brewing

Hermione tapped her chin with her index finger as she skimmed the page of the book she was reading with her eyes. With an impatient huff she tried to blow the wispy curl off of her face, but in her defeat she just pushed it back behind her ear. It was her first year out of Hogwarts, and she was already incredibly busy. After Harry defeated Voldemort, she had set out for an occupation in experimental potions. She never considered it before, but when she applied it seemed like the perfect job for her. The precision and timing of potions was just what she loved, as well as the triumph of creating successful mixtures. So far, one of her creations was already being prepared for the market, and with a little help from George she would soon be raking in a large profit.

The work, however, was overwhelming, and considering her responsibility, her grades, and her trustworthiness, the Ministry had once again granted her a Time Turner. It hung, gold and gleaming around her neck. If something went wrong, then she was able to give it half a turn and prevent it. She loved the convenience of it all.

Biting her lip, she shook a small vial of rosemary, sure to get the precise number of leaves that the potion called for. She leaned forwards to drop them in, but her Time Turner swung in front of her. Intolerantly she pulled it off and laid it on the table next to the cauldron. Preparing herself, she sprinkled it into the cauldron. She let out a sigh of relief when nothing but the color of the potion altered. It turned from a dreamy blue to a friendly orange.

She turned back to her book, but read a very few words before a whistling noise reached her ears. It was not the whistle of a teakettle; it was the whistle of the wind. She franticly looked back to her cauldron, only to find scarlet bubbles churning and frothing over the side. She reached for her Time Turner, but it was too late. As soon as her fingers closed around the chain, the bubbles covered her hand. The last thing she remembered was being yanked painfully through a vortex and painfully being smashed against stone.


	2. Nothing to Ease the Pain

Her body felt as though it were on fire. Her broken bones made every inhalation excruciatingly painful, and her muscles burned as if someone had stretched her over miles and miles. Nausea consumed her body, and her head felt as if it were being drilled into her pillow. The only relief she had was the contrast of the cool, crisp sheets that she lay between. The light battered against her eyes, battling to forcibly gain entrance, but her lids were too heavy and swollen to allow it.

"Constant vigilance," she groaned. Her hand instinctively went to her throat, but she did not feel what she was searching for. It was not until that moment that she became aware of the presence of others in the room with her.

"James. James!" a female voice said urgently.

"Whasat, Lily?" a sleepy male voice answered.

"She's awake!" Lily said. There was the distinct sound of someone bolting upright in their chair. She felt eyes gazing upon her intently. She then experienced a cool, gentle hand lying across her burning cheek. She let out a whimper in pain.

"Hey, there," Lily's soothing voice coaxed. "Could you open your eyes for me?"

"Light," her dry throat murmured.

"James, pull the sash," Lily ordered.

Relief draped itself over her exhausted body and pounding nerves as the curtains were pulled together. She was then able to carefully ease her eyelids open halfway. She let out a weak sigh and feebly turned her head to look at her comforter. Lily had beautiful auburn curls, which were pulled back over her shoulder, and sparkling green eyes the color of emeralds. A handsome, messy-haired boy lurked behind her, as if afraid of disturbing her in her delicate state.

"It's good to see you awake," said Lily kindly, now fussing with a pitcher of water and a glass. Gently she supported her head and helped her gulp down a few pitiful sips.

"How long have I been asleep?" she asked weakly.

"About a day and a half," said Lily, plumping the invalid's pillow and replacing it under her brown, thick curls.

"What happened to me?" she asked, closing her stinging eyes.

"We wanted to ask you that, actually," Lily replied. Had her eyes been open, she would have seen the expression of distress and dismay that was beginning to creep over Lily's face.

"The nurse will want to know your name," Lily said in a lighter tone.

"Will you tell it to me so that I can tell her?"

She rubbed her temples.

"Umm…" Lily glanced sidewise at James, and it did nothing for her own worries to see that he was concerned as well.

"Hmm…" she tried again. She lay in silence for a few moments before making a rather bald-faced and out of the blue statement.

"I'm a witch."

Lily nodded.

"Yes, we know. We found your wand among your things."

Her eyes peeled back again. They surveyed the room before finding the object of their search- a pile of clothing on the table at the foot of her bed. A set of vibrant, violet robes were neatly folded, with a pair of lilac slippers next to them. She noticed with a weakening of her stomach that they were covered in blood. Her blood. Lily saw this and hastily explained,

"We wanted to wait for you to wake up before we actually cleaned them. We didn't want to because we felt it was wrong to make any sort of alteration without your consent."

She made a weak attempt at a laugh.

"I think I would have been alright if you had wanted to go ahead and remove my blood off my clothing." Lily looked uncomfortable, and just cleared her throat.

A wand was laid carefully over her robes, as well as a strange-looking device that was an hourglass on a chain. Upon her further examination, she saw that it was scorched.

"What's that necklace sort of thing? The burned one?" she asked, feebly lifting her hand to point to it.

"We don't know. Even Professor Dumbledore couldn't figure it out," James supplied, speaking to her directly for the first time.

"Oh," she replied softly.

"Who is Professor Dumbledore?"

"He's the headmaster. You're at Hogwarts right now. Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Oh." Her eyelids were beginning to flutter again. She looked in Lily's direction, and for the first time was able to openly view her troubled expression. She appeared to be having some sort of internal struggle, because she was pacing, and muttering; trying to reason things out with herself. Finally, she stopped, and placed her hand over hers.

"Excuse my bluntness, but do you remember anything? I mean, before your, er, accident."

She sat up a little more in the bed, but her strength was so small, she collapsed again.

"Yes," she said slowly, considering.

Lily let out a long sigh of relief.

"What do you remember?"

"Well, I- I remember spells. Lots of spells. And potions. Potions especially," she answered. She seemed to be picking over her entire, exhausted brain to think of anything else that she remembered. Lily's darkened expression returned.

"Is that all?" she inquired tentatively.

She nodded.

"Do you remember your parents?"

A small shake of the head was the reply she got.

"Do you remember your friends? Your teachers?"

Another no.

"Do you remember anyone? Do you remember anything else? Maybe, a holiday you went on, or- or, maybe a Quidditch match?" Lily asked desperately.

She shook her head again. Tears leaked down her cheeks. She was too tired to cry; yet the situation overwhelmed her. As fear, desperation, worry and despair crept over her spirit, sleep overcame her body. Her eyes flickered, and shut. Her breathing slowed and steadied; peace relaxed her face. Lily herself began to cry just at the sight of it. She cast a sorrowful look at this poor, poor, girl and took James's hand. She burrowed her face into his chest and he pulled her into his embrace. Stroking her hair and kissing her brow, he murmured comfortingly,

"Everything will turn out all right, Lils. For now, let's let her sleep. Right now it's the only thing that can ease her pain."


	3. Thank You

It was two weeks since she had been admitted to the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts, and she was enduring her final inspection from Madam Ringgold.

"Your free to go, dearie," Madam Ringgold said cheerfully, pinching her cheek. She smiled. All her fears had melted away from all of the kindness she had received from everyone.

"Thank you, Madam Ringgold," she said.

"Any time, dear. As a matter of fact, you'll be in her again soon enough if you continue to hang around James Potter and his friends," Madam Ringgold replied with a mischievous wink.She laughed as she hopped off the bed, and waved appreciatively to Madam Ringgold as she exited the Hospital Wing.

Madam Ringgold was magic. Not just her healing abilities, but her personality. She had liked the nurse instantly. Her remedies had cured her broken bones, most of her bruises and had effectively banished her headache and muscle pain. She had only made one request, that her clothing be cleaned. She still felt ill every time she caught sight of the deep brown that had stained her robes.

James and Lily had visited her as often as their beginning-of-the-year schedules allowed, and were rather surprised at her odd request to bring their assignments to her everyday. She would copy them down, and write her own, trying to see how much she remembered when she learned the material. It never seemed surprising, this impulse to do work. It felt rather natural, and James would always go bug-eyed just looking at how much she had done.

"That's three times as much as mine and Lily's put together!" he exclaimed once, when looking at an essay she had written about griffins. More than once he actually asked to borrow them to enhance his own homework. Once, James had brought his friends to meet her. The only words she could use to describe it were embarrassing and awkward. It would not have been so if not for the hitch of her not having a name. Other than that, the visit was pleasant, but she caught the fat little tag-along looking boy staring openly at one of the purple bruises on her arm. She had quickly pulled her sleeve over it, but nonetheless it was embarrassing.

Now let's see... what were those boys names again? The round, timid, (and she thought ill-bred) boy was... Peter! Yes! That was it. The kind, intellectual looking boy was named after some myth. Was it Remus? She's have to wait and see what his friends called him. Although they did seem to call each other nothing but funny little nicknames... Then there was the handsome, dark one. Oh, yes. She had liked him immensely. He was rather humorous, always making sarcastic little comments to James, or slipping in some sardonic little tid-bit. Perhaps he was a bit childish, but she liked his playful nature. Oh, what was his name?!

"Sirius!" she exclaimed as she ran into the man himself. She braced herself to fall on the floor, squeezing her eyes shut tightly, but two hands caught her wrists; they steadied her before she could, once again, collide with the floor.

"Thank you," she whispered. He looked at her curiously, scanning her eyes. It was plainly written on her face that she was afraid. Not of him, but of what had almost happened. After just recovering from a painful week in the Hospital from a fall, it was natural she should be frightened of having an accident. She gave a weak sort of laugh, as she removed her hands from him.

"History really must repeat itself," she said. He smirked in appreciation of her little joke.

"You okay?" he asked her. She nodded. How kind and considerate he was!

"I'm fine, really. I was just released." The two stared at each other for a few moments before she interrupted the silence.

"I'm sorry, but could you show me to the Headmaster's office? I need to speak with him." Sirius raised an eyebrow in amusement, a laugh dancing in his grey eyes.

"I do believe that I could help you out there, seeing as I've been there often enough," he said, putting on a mock, smug expression. She laughed.

"On what terms were you there, pray tell," she teased, stepping into stride with him.

"Oh, terms of buisness to be sure," he remarked pompously.

"I'm intruiged. Do tell of your 'buisness'."

Sirius suddenly looked, (in an incredibley exaggerated manner) very grave, indeed.

"I'm sorry, miss, but the detentions of other students are highly confidential, and therefore cannot be disclosed." She could not restrain the giggles which now freely tumbled from her mouth. When she finally stopped laughing, she spoke genuinely to him.

"Thank you very much. I don't believe I've truly felt like laughing since I found myself here. It's a very difficult buisness not remembering who you are. And all the worries that come with it! Such as all the family and friends that must be worried about you, and... I just... thank you." Sirius didn't quite know what to say. She found this evident, and blushing, faced forward again. They walked in silence aside from the small talk they made.

"Here we are! Let's see... it's always a sweet. I'm trying to remember what he switched it to... Oh, yeah! Fizzing Whizbee!" As the gargoyle jumped aside, he answered her unspoken question.

"Professor Dumbledore is... well, some say he's bonkers," she giggled, "but I prefer the more polite term of eccentric. He always makes his password a sweet of some sort, and they're typically odd. Fizzing Whizbees are this peculiar new type of sweet that levitate you off the ground. You ought to try one sometime."

"Thank you very much for showing me here, and going out of your own way."

"Don't mention it. I'll see you at dinner. Just because you aren't a student doesn't mean that they won't let you eat! Just come over and sit with the Marauders and Lily." She wondered at his term "Marauders" but decided she had better ask him later. She waved at his retreating form, before plodding up the stone steps to the Headmaster's office. She gave a polite rap on the door, and entered when a kind voice called to her,

"Come in."

She turned the handle and admitted herself. The room was spacious for an office, but then again, she thought, he does live here. Strange silver objects that looked like puzzlingly like a cross between medical instruments and children's toys were scattered about, many placed on top of piles of books with odd titles, such as "Bewingle's Bulbous Bee Sting" and "The Day My Goose Was Cooked" that looked much perused. Behind the gleaming, cherry desk was a wise yet exuberant elderly man in a plush, wingback chair, stroking a marvelous bird of scarlet and gold plummage.

"Hello, Professore Dumbledore," she said politely, shutting the door behind herself.

"Ah, yes. Madam Ringgold informed me that you would be released this morning. Please, do take a seat," the Professor answered kindly, gesturing toward the chair opposite himself. She moved swiftly across the room, and sat down in it, tucking her robes under her.

"Now, I understand that the circumstances under which you arrived are rather grey, aren't they?"

"Yes, Professor," she answered, fiddling with the edge of her robe.

"And you do not recall anything from your life?"

"No, sir. I do remember spells, and facts and such, but nothing else." He pondered her statement for a minute and seemed so oblivious to her presence she started to feel uncomfortable. His sudden speaking startled her, and she jolted a little when he did.

"Ah, yes," he said, twisting his greying beard around a long finger. "You see, friends and family and memories are taken for granted by us all, as we never expect to lose them, so they float absently throughout our mind and daily lives, while facts and information are engraved in our brains," he mused. She nodded her head in agreement, and gave an indistinct sound for reply, but was rather confused about how this applied to her sitting across from him in his office making decisions about her future.

"I will trouble you no more with philosophy of any nature, now. I have considered very carefully and meticulously your present situation, and understand its gravity. It is with great thought that I have formulated an idea for your path," he now remarked.

"I understand from what you and Madam Ringgold have told me that you are still knowledgeable of the magic you've learned. I have therefore decided it best, if you are agreeable, to be a student here." He now paused to view her reaction. She smiled, letting out a sigh of relief.

"My primary reason is that because you do not, to our knowledge or yours, know anyone, your future safety, and happiness, I believe, lie here at the school, until you are reacquainted enough with the world to be out in it."

She nodded. This was just what she had hoped for. She had secretly been dreading the possibility that she would be forced to leave Hogwarts and go out into the unknown to fend for herself.

"There are a few matters to be settled, as you are agreeable. As you do not remember your name, it is highly adviseable for you to select one for use. Would you, please...?" he let the question dangle as he watched her with twinkling eyes.

A name. Oh, how she had wanted one these many days! She musn't pick anything common. She'd heard Lily talk of people, and she'd often had to clarify between which Emma she meant or which house Loraine was in. Hmm. Something that wasn't plain, but also was simple. She needed a name that stood for something, something strong...

"Rose Bennet," she said proudly. What a beautiful name!

"Excellent, Miss Bennet. There is then, the matter of your house," he added. He now rose, and retrieved a shabby hat from a shelf behind his desk. She eyed it curiously.

"Do not be alarmed," he warned her, placing it snugly over her eyes. Do not be alarmed? She soon found cause to be.

"Ahh! Another difficult one!" _This hat was talking to her_! She clutched her heart, leaning back into her chair, faintness swooping over her.

"Slytherin? No, no... you're cunning to be sure, but too honest and good for that house. Perhaps, then, Hufflepuff? No, that won't do either. There is a greatness of mind here that would make you very good in Ravenclaw. Ah. But you are so noble, so incredibly brave. I do believe that the only place that you will really belong is-

GRYFFINDOR!"

Professor Dumbledore removed the hat and replaced it on the shelf, "Well done, Miss Bennet. It was, once, you know, my house. Rose was still trying to steady her rapidly beating heart.

"There is now, only the matter of acquiring your uniform and supplies, which shall be of no consequence. Hogwarts has a fund for those wh cannot afford their own. And of course I shall sign a Hogsmeade permission form so that you may visit the village on the designated days. There will, of course, be a small amount of pocket money for you," he finished. Ruth could hardly express her gratitude at this last speech.

"Thank you so very much, Professor. You have removed so many of my burdens in this one visit. I am extremely grateful to you," she said earnestly.

"You're quite welcome. Though, you are giving back much in return. I do believe that Hogwarts has acquired a very valuable student."

AN: Hey! I really hope that you're enjoying it so far. Because she doesn't know her name, I don't want to use it, so any "she's" that confuse you, mean Hermione. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. Please review! They mean a lot to me, because being an authoress is what I am looking forward to doing for my career. This chapter was not my particular favortie, because I could not simply make statements and had to use too many filllers. When I get around to it, I'll rework it (the Sorting Hat part was inexusably dull). Thanks!! LHC


	4. Hogwarts

Rose dearly wished she knew where she was going. This castle was so large she felt utterly lost among the staircases, towers, portraits and ghosts; this was overlooking her disastrous encounter with Peeves a half hour previous, when he duped her by leading her away from the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom where Lily was. Huffing as she climbed a staircase, she reached the penultimate step when, of course, it changed. It took all her control to suppress the cry of rage that was climbing from her throat, trying to force it's way from her mouth. Just before she could strangle a passing Mrs. Norris, a large bell echoed throughout the entire castle. She was thrown back against the side railing as third years poured from the Charms classroom. Counting backwards from ten, (thanking her lucky stars that she still remembered her numbers) she let out a deep breath, and put on a cheerful smile.

"Excuse me?" she said, arresting the stride of a boy with a green crest on the breast of his robes. He jerked his arm away.

"Sod off, Mudblood," he snarled, before double timing the stairs to catch up with his comrades. Hermione stood in shock. Mudblood? Well, that certainly didn't sound like a friendly welcome to her. What could that word mean? She paused another, friendlier looking student with a yellow crest on her robes. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a high ponytail, swishing back and forth as she laughed.

"Excuse, me, what direction would I go to find the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom?"

The girl smiled at her. She pointed at a tapestry hanging on the wall.

"You would go through that tapestry, and just on the other side, the second door on your left, would be it." Rose gave her a grateful smile, and headed up the steps. Skipping quickly over the top one to avoid it switching on her, she crossed to the vast stone wall, and peeked behind the woven scarlet banner.

"Oh, yeah, why didn't I try the secret passageway? How stupid of me!" she muttered sarcastically under her breath, peeling it back and stepping into the narrow tunnel. Reaching the end, she pulled back the tapestry at the opposite end, only to be greeted with a rush of students milling by her, pulling her helplessly into their mass. She scanned the top of the crowd, searching for- there it was! Bright, curly red hair pulled into a messy chignon on the nape of her neck.

"Lily!" she shouted. She didn't hear her.

"LILY!" Lily's head whipped around, and spotting Rose, went against the tide, and tried to push her way toward her. Rose began separating people with her arms, and laughed at the image of her swimming through a "school" of students.

"Lily!" she said, finally reaching her. A group of boys rowdily pushed through, throwing out casual "Sorry!"s, resulting in Rose linking her arm with Lily's so they could keep up.

"You were released!" Lily exclaimed, squeezing her hand. She adjusted her strained schoolbag on her shoulder, smiling happily.

"Yeah!" Rose said excitedly. Then she raised her eyebrow. "Is it always like this?" she asked as she dodged a group of whispering 4th year girls.

"Pretty much," Lily said, laughing. "I suppose you just adjust," she said good-naturedly.

"So," Lily said, trekking straight to the business of their conversation.

"What did Professor Dumbledore say when you visited him?" Her eyes were focused directly on her own as they walked almost blindly through the corridor.

"Weeell, I didn't even have to ask him about anything. He's set everything up rather nicely," she said. She felt a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth as she watched Lily's suspense.

"And?" she asked eagerly.

"And what?" Rose replied, feigning ignorance. Lily gave an impatient stomp of her foot, and pulled her aside as they rounded the corner, safely isolated from the crowd.

"You know what I mean," she replied, poking her in the arm playfully.

"He said that I could be a student here," she replied in a would-be nonchalant manner, however Lily saw the smile that betrayed her.

"Really? Oh, I'm so happy you get to stay here with us!" she exclaimed, surrounding Rose in a gentle, affectionate hug. Rose sighed with contentment in Lily's fond embrace. How could she not be happy here at Hogwarts, with people that cared about her and were kind to her?

"Oh, go on!" Lily said, now bouncing on the balls of her feet. Rose laughed.

"Well, I have a name now." Lily's eyes widened,

"You reme-" Rose cut her off.

"No, I didn't remember it. I got to choose one, until I do remember." Lily gave her a sympathetic look.

"Well, what did you choose?"

"Rose Bennet. Simple, elegant, beautiful." Lily laughed.

"Now we both have flower names!" Rose giggled happily.

"I didn't even think of that! This is just too great!" They collapsed in fits of laughter together, before Lily looped her arm through Rose's again, as they now walked through the relatively empty hall to the corridor.

"What else?" Lily plunged ahead. "What house are you in?" Rose reached stealthily into her pocket, dramatically withdrew a scarlet and gold scarf from her pocket, and swung it around her neck.

"You're in Gryffindor! Oh, Rose!" She launched herself onto her shoulders in happiness.

"This is going to be the best year ever! I can't wait to tell James! He'll be so excited, I'm sure!"

* * *

Rose plopped down next to Lily at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall. It was dinnertime, and Rose was starving. After wandering aimlessly around the labyrinth that was Hogwarts without anything to eat since breakfast in the Hospital Wing, and a lemon drop Professor Dumbledore had offered her, she could really do with a meal. 

"Hello, James. Sirius. Remus. Peter," she said, acknowledging each of them before dolloping a very generous portion of mashed potatoes onto her plate.

"Hey," they chorused, mouths stuffed with food. Lily slapped James's hand.

"No talking with food in your mouth. It's revolting," Lily said, making a face.

"Sor-" he began, a roll crammed in his mouth, before receiving a stern look from Lily, and clamping it shut again.

"Yes, Mum," Sirius muttered audibly. Rose snorted into her Pumpkin Juice. Quickly averting her eyes from Lily, she waited until her choking died away, before resuming her meal.

"James, you'll never believe what happened," Lily said, striking up conversation among the obnoxious gulping of food around her.

"Wha-" James stopped again, swallowed, and then re-stated his question.

"What happened?" It was obvious he was having a difficult time restraining himself from continuing to stuff himself with food. Lily rolled her eyes at his impatience, before looking at Rose expectantly.

"Oh, _that_," she said, putting on a casual air. She plucked up her napkin and dabbed her mouth daintily, before giving a wave of her hand in the air, and saying,

"Oh, I was only accepted as a student at Hogwarts today." There was a clatter of forks from their general area of the table, and she couldn't help from grinning now. She was now bombarded with questions.

"Is that what you went to see Dumbledore about?"  
"Are you going to be in our year?" "What classes are you taking?" "What house are you in?"

Everyone ceased talking so that she could answer what seemed to be the most important of the questions.

"I'm in…. drum roll please!" she announced, as Lily complied with a steady tapping of her fingers on the table, "Gryffindor!"

"Yeah!" the boys yelled, pumping their fists in the air.

"Now you can help us with homework all the time!" James said enthusiastically, the plate before him now forgotten. Rose laughed.

"And she got a name, too!" Lily said, poking her finger into Rose's side. Rose swatted it away, laughing.

"What is it?" Sirius asked eagerly.

"Rose," she said blushing as she looked sidewise at Lily.

"Now we have two flowers," Sirius replied gallantly. Rose's cheeks deepened in color.

"Well, it wasn't intentional," Rose said earnestly.

"Doesn't matter, Rosie," Sirius said mischievously.

"You and Lily here are going to be plagued with nicknames for the rest of your lives."

* * *

Rose followed Lily up to the Girl's dormitories, worn out from the day's activities. She noticed the only bed that wasn't cluttered beyond recognition was on the end of the room, next to the window. At the foot lay a trunk with RB printed in gold lettering on the top. 

"That must be yours," Lily said, walking over to the trunk and flipping open the lid.

"Wow," she breathed as Rose sat beside her. "You have some great pajamas," she muttered longingly. Rose laughed at her expression, withdrawing a pair of blue paisley ones, and slamming the lid shut. She slid out of her deep purple robes, folding them and laying them on top of her trunk. She reveled in the cool, satin cloth slipping over her exhausted body, drinking in the feeling of something to sleep in other than white, cotton Hospital Wing gowns. She climbed between her soft, cozy sheets, and pulled her bed hangings together.

"Good night, Lils," she yawned.

"Night, Rosie," came the mumbled reply of Lily. It wasn't long until peaceful breathing was the only audible sound in the room.

* * *

_A woman without a face was with her. She was reading a letter. Teardrops were splattered across it, ink running down the parchment. A patient barn owl was perched on a stand in the corner of the room, waiting to deliver a reply. Rose looked over the woman's shoulder and read:_

_Dear Hermione,_

_I was very sorry to hear about your dad. I'm coming over tonight, and Ron and Ginny are coming with me. I know how horrible you feel. I've gone through this so many times in my life. The pain of losing a loved one hurts worse than any curse. I know it's different for you in a way though. I know you weren't able to restore your father's memory before he died. Just know in your heart though, he loved you whether he knew it or not. He loved you and was proud of-_

_Rose couldn't see any more. The woman's hair blocked it. What did this mean?_

Rose woke with a start. That dream… it had been so real. It _was_ real. Electricity tickled her spine. She knew Hermione. She lived with her. _Is she worried about me right now? Is she trying to find me? What about the person who wrote the letter? Who was it they had mentioned? A Ron and a- Jenny? _

She threw her legs over the side of the bed onto the floor. She hoisted herself up, but instead hovered, stooped over. Should she really wake Lily up over something as trivial as this? It could always wait for the morning. It would be abominably rude to wake her up over a silly dream that might not even be worth anything. She'd tell her about it at breakfast tomorrow. She sighed and rolled back under the blanket. She hugged her pillow tightly and looked out at the stars before falling back into slumber.


	5. First Day of School: The Breakdown

"Lily."

"Mm-hmm?" Lily replied distractedly, as she sorted through her ties, searching for one of the proper length.

"I had a dream last night about someone," Rose replied, sitting up from where she had been reclining moments earlier.

"Oh, who about?" Lily teased with a wink. Rose gave her a small smile.

"About a person I used to live with. Her name was Hermione." Rose had at last captured Lily's full attention.

"You used to live with her?" Lily asked curiously. Rose saw a mixture of emotions in her face. There was an unsuppressed eagerness to know more, blended with some restraint and- could it be? Even a very slight tinge of jealousy.

"Yes. She was reading a letter. I couldn't see her face."

Rose struggled to retain her cool manner. Her nerves were being rubbed fiercely together, like sandpaper. She wanted to burst into tears of joy and sadness; there was a glassy film over her eyes- one of tears that she refused to let fall. Emotion poured out from every place in her body, her soul, and mind, straight into her chest, where it knotted together as a weight on her heart.

"What did the letter say? Could you read it?" Lily asked tentatively.

"Part of it- her hair blocked the rest. I didn't see whom it was from, but the sender was giving her condolence. Her- her father had just passed away, but she didn't get to say good-bye because someone had placed a Memory Charm on him, I think, and she didn't get to take it off before he died. The person who sent it said they were bringing over Ron and Jenny- no, Ginny."

Lily was having another internal battle again.

"Do you-, well, do you remember them?" Rose looked thoughtful.

"I know their names. I know them. But I don't remember anything about them. I can associate bright red with them, but I don't know why."

"Do you think that you should tell Dumbledore about this?" Lily asked, ties now abandoned across her bedspread.

"I'm sure that I should tell him. Maybe he can find out who Hermione is. Or Ron, or Ginny," Rose replied.

Rose felt her heart, thumping in her chest. Her blood seemed to be racing- every heartbeat was a rush through her veins. Heat crept over her face. Could she stand this much longer? She stood abruptly and crossed at an unnatural speed to her trunk. Her shaking fingers fumbled with the latch, she finally managed to throw it open.

"I'll send him a letter. Can I borrow your owl?" Rummaging through her trunk, as if her life depended on it, she withdrew a pot of ink, a quill and piece of parchment. Lily nodded numbly, startled by her frantic actions.

"Thank you," Rose said as she swept by Lily quickly. She now began to run, throwing the door behind her. Her breath was now heaving gasps, as she desperately tried not to cry. She hurtled down the stairs, and ran blindly to the portrait hole. It opened, and she plunged through, it, colliding straight into a set of robes.

"Rose?" a male voice called after her.

"Rose!" it repeated.

"I'm sorry, do forgive me," she yelled without turning back. She maintained her pace, tears now beginning to leak down her cheeks without restraint. She tried to wipe them away to no avail, but she plodded on, sweeping down stairways, flashing through corridors, until she was, once again, hopelessly lost. She could maintain this speed no longer with such limited breathing. She searched for a private place, anyplace where she would not be seen openly weeping. Spying a tapestry, she walked to it quickly, breaths sharp and frequent, and pulled it back to reveal her desire; an empty passageway. She crawled into it; leaning against the smooth, cold wall, she slumped down it, sitting now on the dusty floor and cried.

* * *

If she thought he wouldn't follow her after a scene like that, she truly was mad. Sirius kept a safe distance, yet a steady pace. She wove her way down three floors, running crazily with ink and parchment. Was she going to send a letter? But to whom? After all, she didn't know anyone except at Hogwarts and she could just talk to them. She suddenly stopped in the middle of a corridor on the second floor. He froze in place, praying fervently she wouldn't turn around and spot him there. She didn't- instead, she crossed over to a tapestry and went through the passageway. Carefully, he made his way to the same one and listened outside of it. She was in there! Crying her heart out by the sound of it. He gently pulled back the curtain that separated them, and kneeled next to her. 

Rose felt the light flooding into her hiding place. Gasping, she turned to see Sirius, sitting next to her on the floor. She quickly wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her robe.

"Si- Sirius. What are you doing here?" she choked out.

"I wanted to know if you were okay. You didn't seem like it a few minutes ago," he answered kindly.

"Well, I guess I'm still not," she gushed. Her words seemed to pour out of her mouth, without her brain's consent.

"What's the matter?" he inquired concernedly, now leaning against the wall and sitting next to her.

"I- I had a dream last night about a girl I used to live with. Her name was Hermione," Rose replied. Her breathing had calmed considerably, and embarrassment started to creep over her for making such an incredible fuss.

"She had just received a letter- her father had just died, and someone had altered his memory. Before she could restore it, however, he died, so she didn't get a proper good-bye."

"Is this what made you storm the hall like a madwoman?" he teased. She let out a watery sort of laugh.

"It was the root cause, I must admit. But this- this- emotion, this passionate yearning for my memory, just sort of, overtook me, and my actions were hardly mine any more. They were those of my soul," she said, leaning her head back against the wall and closing her eyes. Sirius examined her.

"You know- there's nothing a good breakfast can't cure," he said playfully. She snorted.

"You would think that wouldn't you?" she responded in a similar manner to his. She opened her eyes, and stared at him expectantly. He looked confused.

"Well, aren't you going to help me up?" she asked him, eyebrow raised.

"My lady, please forgive me," he said, leaping to his feet. She put on a condescending air and took his hand, gracefully pulling herself off the floor. He retrieved her writing materials and put them in his school bag.

"Do you require an escort to the Great Hall?" he said, gallant charm pouring from his every word. She wiped away the last of her tears.

"I believe I do," she replied, smile now replacing her trouble look. Looping her arm through his, she pulled back the tapestry, and they started on their way.

AN: Hey. I know it's not long, but there's a follow-up. I didn't quite intend for this to be an emotional chapter, but I put myself in Hermione's position, and I mean, how could you go without a few good crying jags? She won't always be this weepy, but I couldn't just see her skipping through Hogwarts, happy as a lark without experiencing the emotional turbulence of losing her memory. This is her first day of school, so part two should be interesting. Please, tell me what you think! LHC


	6. Essay Trouble

Rose wished she could have her entire day back. To put it rather bluntly, it was a disaster. It wasn't necessarily that she didn't know anything; she actually had more input than students who had retained their full memory and had attended the school for 6 years. No, it was more that she felt so out of place she couldn't stand it. Sirius, of course had been a life-saver. He never ceased to be funny. It was so natural, Rose bet he didn't even know he was being satirical. She appreciated his humor. However, she had an utter lack of patience with Lily that day. Lily tried not to pry, and she was very sweet and didn't ask questions about what had happened, but she treated her differently, and Rose couldn't stand it! She would give her looks of concern, and rub her arm, and ask her if she felt alright. She wasn't in the hospital anymore!

After a full first day, she collapsed exhausted on one of the deep red sofas of the Gryffindor common room. "Is it always this intense?" she asked, throwing her bag to the floor.

Sirius mirrored her action, flopping down beside her and stretching his feet out on the table in front of him. Resituating himself, he rested his head on his hands behind his head.

"Well, the first day usually is. It's just getting into it, you know?"

Rose sighed. Just getting into it. She could do this. She would take each day one at a time, and eventually she would have the knack of a busy schedule. Unwillingly she sat up. Groaning, she flipped back the lid of her bag and rifled through it, withdrawing a fresh scroll of parchment and writing utensils. As if a nauseating odor was drifting through her nostrils, she stood and moved the supplies for her homework t a vacant table. Sirius let his hands fall into his lap. He had a rather blank expression of surprise.

"What are you doing?"

She lifted her head from where she had been titling her essay for Professor McGonagall.

"Homework, of course," she replied as if the answer were absolutely obvious, (which, as a matter of fact, it was).

"As she should be," Lily said, entering the conversation. She had just reappeared, along with a suspiciously goofy James.

"And as you should too, Mr. Black."

Plopping her bag into a chair next to Rose's, she dug around and pulled out her own things to begin her own homework. The disastrous duo looked on, faces painted with amusement.

"Bless them," James said after about a minute's fascinated observation. Rose looked up from her work.

"Why shouldn't I be doing my work? This means I won't be up at an ungodly hour on Thursday trying to cram rather repetitious and superfluous information into a sad excuse of a paper," she rattled off, praising assignments to the skies. Sirius and James sunk back into the couch. Rose rambled on the virtues of work for over a minute and half before examining the boys' faces and frowning.

"You aren't listening to me, are you?" They moved not. Twisting her mouth into a mischievous grin, she turned to Lily and with a wink said, "Lily, I fully support and agree with your decision to dump James for the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain."

The Marauders were upright before Lily could even react. It took Rose's mad laughter to force them to the realization that Lily, had none whatsoever, any intention to break up with her boyfriend.

* * *

Rose finished her essay, of course, as did Lily, and by Thursday were feeling free and easy. Meanwhile, the two unprepared Marauders, (you know which is excluded, having finished his work in a timely and fashionable manner, Peter with the help of Remus) were rushing and moaning about why in the world it could possibly matter if they could turn a rabbit into a newt. Rose looked at the majestic, cherry grandfather clock in the corner of the dimly, firelit common room. It was half past eleven. Was it right to let them get off easy and help them with their work? 

"Done," pronounced James, thowing his arms out behing him and stretching. Sirius snapped his head up.

"You'll help me then?" he asked eagerly. James looked unsure.

"Well, Padfoot, under normal circumstances-"

"These are normal circumstances," Sirius pleaded impatiently.

"Yeah, but you forgot I have to hold Quidditch tryouts tomorrow." Sirius groaned.

"But how am I possibly going to finish this essay before tomorrow?"

_Here goes nothing_, Rose thought to herself. _Except the relief of a good night's rest. _

Drawing in a reluctant breath she rose from her chair in her corner unnoticed and announced quietly, "I could help you."

Sirius whipped his head around to face her. A smile spread across his tired, but grateful face as she approached him. James had already siezed his oppurtunity and slipped away so that he would not be missed by his mate. Sliding into the chair previously occupied by James, she folded her arms on the top of the table and leaned over to see what he had written. She screwed up her mouth in a thoughtful manner, and without even looking withdrew her wand from her pocket. She traced her finger across the parchment and began tapping words. Sirius watched in silence as words respelled themselves correctly, and sentences shifted to sound more sophisticated and well thought out. When her grammar check was complete she slipped her wand back into the deep pocket of her robe and glanced at the clock. 11:47.

Now, she looked Sirius in the eyes. They almost immideatley flickered down again. His eyes were the most intense color she had ever seen. They were a blend of ice and steel; she knew not what to make of his powerful, yet gentle gaze. She turned her attention to the parchment to mask her embarrassment.

"Well- you've completely disregarded the useful properties of newts in potions. Say you were in desperate need of a newt, yet all you had avaliable was a rabbit. Then, by transfiguring the rabbit, you would now be able to brew your potion and possibly save a life, as they are useful and commnly found in poison antidotes."

Sirius absorbed this. As it clicked, he nodded and dipped his (well, hers really) into the midnight ink and began to scribble away. She watched as his untidy script was sprinkled over the page, and observing his interpretation of her words. He phrased himself better than before. With a keen eye on the clock she stifled yawns to retain his morale. With a final, grand flourish he marked the end of his final sentence, and dropped the quill back into the ink. Unfotunately, the grace of his motion did not match the quill's. Ink splattered, though avoiding the paper, covering their faces in little specks of black. Rose blinked several times in surprise, before, dabbing her right cheek with her index finger.

"Smooth," she observed, now siphoning off the ink with her wand. He laughed, and followed suit. When they had cleaned up and the essay had dried, they stood and parted at the staircases.

"Thanks for helping me, Rosie," Sirius said geniuinely. She noted his exhaustion. How good she felt now that she had not left him to his own devices.

"Anytime. But maybe you won't leave off your homework this late next time?" she added hopefully. He grinned.

"Perhaps," he replied non-commitedly. She couldn't help but smile at the smirk he was flaunting.

"Sure."

"G'nite, Sirius."

"Good night, Rose."

* * *

_"We found it- we found it- please!" Another wave pain swept over her body._

_"Tell the truth, you filthy Mudblood! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth!"_

_Heat and knives were ripping her to pieces._

_"Please!"_

_"HERMIONE! HERMIONE!" She could hear the distant calls of distress. She could take no more. Her body was on fire, her head was bound to explode any moment. Every flash of red drew her closer to death._

_"Tell the truth!"_

_"PLEASE!"_

* * *

Rose woke up, her skin still prickling. Her cries of vivid and incomprehensible pain had been muffled by her pillow. Tears, hot and salty trickled down her pale cheek and intermingled with the beads of sweat there. Hermione had been tortured. But why? And who was the woman with dark lids that had done it? Whose was the voice that had cried out to her. Weeping softly she turned over onto her side, only to find she could not return to sleep. 


	7. Debate over Breakfast

Rose arrived the next morning at breakfast bleary-eyed and in a visble state of distress. Her eyes were rimmed with redness and her face was ghostly shade of white.

Her hair was combed and pulled into a braid, a few wisps around her exhausted face, and her bangs neatly arranged on her forehead. She looked very orderly- too orderly. Her ghastly appearance gave her away; she hadn't gotten much sleep. Wearily she dropped into the seat next to Remus. Lily, across the table blinked in surprise, her muffin poised halfway to her lips.

"You look bloody awful, Rose," James had the tact to point out. Lily dropped her muffin, mouth and eyes wide with disgusted shock and slapped his arm.

"Ow!"

"You deserved it, Potter," she said coolly, taking a sip of pumpkin juice. James sighed. He knew that when she reverted to his surname he was not getting off easily. However, despite the volume of their exchange, Rose didn't seem to hear it. She stared rather blankly at a goblet of pumpkin juice, absently twirling her porridge with her spoon. Her elbow was propped on the table, her chin resting in the nook of her palm. Sirius eyed her with discomfort. Did this have to do with their late night impromptu study-group?

"Er, Rose, I hope I didn't keep you up late last night," Sirius mentioned awkwardly. His eyes flickered from the dark circles she sported to her forehead. Lily wheeled around.

"Kept her up?" she asked in her motherly tone. Sirius' eyebrows went up.

"Why do girls think the most perverted and unattractive things?"

"Maybe because guys are the perpetrators of said perverted and unattractive acts? Like I said before. Kept her up?"

"Er, yeah. She- well, she helped me with my Transfiguration essay last night," he unwillingly admitted.

"Really?" Lily replied with a cold tone, her arms crossed and left eyebrow quirked in disapproval. Remus observed rose. She still remained lost in space, floating away in some far away galaxy.

"Yes! You can ask Prongs if you want!" Sirius exclaimed, throwing one arm up in the air carelessly and at the same moment taking a large bite of toast. Lily scrunched up her eyes and stuck out her tongue.

"Ugh, gag me!" Sirius rolled his eyes and motioned towards James. Lily swiveled her torso so that she was facing James on her other side. He swung his face around toward her, egg hanging off the corner of his mouth and his eyes widened guiltily.

"Ha!" Lily burst out laughing.

"What?" James asked tentatively, eyes still slightly widened.

"You look like a deer, caught in the headlights!" she exclaimed, still tittering slightly.

"I what?"

"A deer- you know what that is, don't you?" she asked him in a tone that clearly questioned his intelligence. His eyes darted to Sirius as he answered defensively,

"Yeah!"

Their debate continued on the sidelines as Peter watched them like he had Orchestra seating at an amusing theater performance. Remus was now rifling through notes and trying to remember what part of an automotive vehicle headlights were. Sirius, however, was participating in neither of these activities, (partially because he had seen Lily and James have so many little arguments, and partially since he didn't have a Muggle Studies exam that morning) nor was he even aware of the activities of the other four personages that surrounded him. He was watching Rose. She was completely oblivious to his eyes penetrating her face, watching her every movement, (or lack of). She continued to stir the hot cereal in front of her in a hypnotic fashion; it was if no one even occupied her seat. Letting out a heavy sigh, she lugged her bag onto her shoulder, food still untouched, and exited the Great Hall in a daze.

Sirius wasted no time. He abandoned his half-devoured plate, swung his legs over the bench and snatched up his bag, lugging it over his shoulder. He sprinted wildly after her, trying to catch up with her before she got too far away.

"You know you have egg on your face, James," Lily pointed out with an amused smirk.

"I have?" James asked, wiping franticly around his mouth.

"You looked so adorable!" Lily teased.

"Do I get a kiss for that?"

"Normally, you would, but seeing as you just wiped that mass off of your cheek, I don't think I will," Lily laughed. However, all four of the remaining students sitting in their area seemed to realize the absence of Rose and Sirius at the same precise moment. Anxiety transformed Lily's face.

"Rose!" she groaned. "I was so absorbed in bickering with James I forgot about her!" She made to follow, but James put his hand over her knee and gently pushed her back into her seat. She yielded to the pressure, and turned her head to face him, a question in her eyes.

"Let Padfoot handle it."

* * *

Rose wandered aimlessly through the hall, her mind troubled elsewhere. What if her mind was watching Hermione while she was asleep? What if that dream she had had last night, wasn't a dream? What is she had watched Hermione being tortured by that vicious woman _as it happened_?

_So this is what it's like to be Harr_y. As soon as the thought entered her mind, however, she drew a blank. Who was Harry? Distractedly she wiped away the tear that had run down her cheek. She was driven from her morbid thoughts, however, by the slapping of trainers on the flagstone. Turning, she saw that it was, in fact, Sirius.

"Hey," she offered in soft greeting., attempting a small smile for him. Grinning, Sirius knelt over slightly, trying to catch his breath.

"He-hey," he panted, standing straight now. His knuckles were white with the weight he carried, and he lowered his bag so that the bottom was now level with his ankles.

"I wanted to know how you were. You were non-responsive at breakfast," he said, his smile a blend of jest and concern.

"h, well, I had another dream last night. I couldn't really sleep after that," she admitted.

"Better or worse than before?" he asked.

"Worse. Much, much worse. I don't think I've ever contemplated the reality that such agony exists."

Now his eyes were openly caring. Glancing around, he saw an empty classroom. He took a couple steps forward and held the door open for her. She looked inside hesitantly, before passing by him quickly and sitting on a stool. She slid onto it, disposing of her bag on the floor next to her. Sirius joined her and carelessly flung his bag onto the floor.

"So what happened?"

Her eyes fluttered shut as she recalled the event. A flash of red traveled at light speed from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, and a sharp, staccato wave of pain swept over her body. She shivered at the memory.

"I presume you've heard of the Cruciatus Curse?"

Her eyes snapped open; why was his face so darkly angry? _It's his family_, her mind whispered. This confused her. How did she know about his family?

"Only too often," he replied, his teeth clenched.

"Last night I dreamt that a woman was torturing Hermione. I could feel it. She- she kept telling her to tell the truth."

"About what?

"She seemed to think she had broken into her Gringotts vault. She wanted Hermione to admit it," she replied, her brow troubled.

"You could feel it?" Sirius inquired softly. She couldn't look at him. Rose averted her eyes to stare at her fingernails. After a stretch of tense silence, her words cut through the air.

"Yes." She shuddered.

"I hope you never feel it," she added after a moment, her voice broken and watery. "I hope you never feel the 'please' forced from your unwilling lips." Her body was rigid; her expression hard.

"Rose," Sirius breathed, his arm involuntarily reaching for her. As his hand touched her shoulder, her body melted, collapsed into his arms. After a few moments of sudden, uncontrollable dry sobs, she nuzzled her cheek into his chest.

"I've already cried all my tears away."

Sirius was stunned. He hardly knew the woman he was hlding in his arms, she hardly knew herself, but it felt good. Even after the discourse that had just passed between them. He gave her a gentle squeeze. Her body relaxed and she gave a sniffle.

"Do you know who the woman was?"

He felt her shake her head against his chest.

"What did she say to Hermione?"

He rubbed the upper part of her back in small, cautious motions.

"She told her to tell the truth. And- I think Hermione must have been Muggle-born, because she kept calling her a 'filthy Mudblood'."

Her fists balled in anger. However, sudden consciousness of whose waist her arms encircled caused her to draw her face away. He felt her head pull back from his chest. Her rip slackened, and she looked up towards him. He looked into her eyes, and found himself fighting the overwhelming urge to embrace her again. Slowly and dumbly they moved away from each other. Rose composed herself. Glancing at the door she tucked a wily curl behind her ear and made a sudden dive for her bag. Throwing it over her shoulder she smiled at him.

"Walk me to class?" she asked, too cheerful for what she was really feeling.

"Sure," Sirius replied, mirroring her smile. But thoughts raced through his mind as he examined her flushed and embarrassed cheeks. What had taken them from such an emotional moment to this anti-climax? Did she like him as a friend and didn't want him to interpret her behavior wrongly? Did she like him as more than a friend but didn't want to come on too strong? Or thought he didn't like her that way? Well he didn't like her as more than a friend. Right? Or was it that she thought he didn't want to be with her? Or was she just abashed at the physical contact. Girls were so confusing. Or, more accurately, Rose was.

* * *

_A week later_

"I got an O!" Rose said, showing her paper proudly to Lily. Lily's eyes read it hungrily, flying back and forth between lines.

"Wow… Rose, I- this is brilliance! I've never read anything so fascinating! These are all your own ideas?" she inquired, handing it back to her. Modestly, Rose shied away from such praise.

"Well, Professor McGonagall is a good teacher. I wouldn't have been able to do it without her. Lily snorted in disbelief.

"Rosie, listen. I adore Professor McGonagall. But she taught you only the incantation and theory. These- these ideas- they're yours. And they're magnificent. You have delved into you magical learning. I must give you the credit."

Rose blushed and mumbled a 'thank you' and continued to try to distribute credit elsewhere, but was interrupted by a sprinting James flying down the corridor.

"JAMES POTTER!" Lily cried in outrage.

"Sorry, Lils, but I'm late for Quidditch practice!" he called over his shoulder, hardly able to look at her and keep his pace.

"Head Boy and Quidditch Captain. He should have chosen one or the other, and obviously Head Boy should have been that choice. He ought to think of what kind of credentials that gives him for his future career!"" Lily would have continued ranting about the importance of an important resume, when noe but Sirius, (who's surprised) interrupted once more. Hand on her hip, Lily scowled at him good-naturedly.

"What could you possibly be so excited about, Black?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Rosie rocks!" he exclaimed pumping his fist in the air. She raised her eyebrows and blinked.

"Come again?"

"Here," he said, hoisting his bag off his shoulder and rummaging through it.

"There," he said, withdrawing a crumpled length of parchment and handing it to her. She smiled in recognition.

"This is the essay I helped you with," she said, giving him a sweet grin. He pointed at the mark. An O.

"You could've gotten the same mark all by yourself if you hadn't waited until the last minute," she prompted him.

"But where's the fun in that?" he teased, flashing her a charming grin.

"Well, on my part, I can see a few extra hours of sleep as a bonus," she replied archly, prodding him in the arm.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I couldn't have done it without you." After he had walked away, Lily remarked with a knowing look, "I told you that you were brilliant."


	8. Homesickness

Sorry it's been so long!!! I've just been so busy and haven't had any time. Biology is the devil's work. Here you are, if any of you were waiting.

Without any consciousness to what she was doing, her eyes folded closed, her breathing slowed, and her mind went back to her nighttime visitations.

_Pain radiated through her bones. It was torture beyond imagination; the ultimate physical human suffering. Waves of searing heat, fire that could melt rock flowed like lava over her skin, her flesh, her blood, her muscles. She saw naught but red; red flames over her eyes, reveling in her pain. The extreme hotness she felt was mixed with the pulsing, nauseating chill of the shrieking of the evil, heartless woman._

_"We found it- we found it- please!" Another wave pain swept over her body. _

_"Tell the truth, you filthy Mudblood! You've been inside my vault at Gringotts! Tell the truth!"_

_Heat and knives were ripping her to pieces._

_"Please!"_

_"HERMIONE! HERMIONE!" She could hear the distant calls of distress. She could take no more. Her body was on fire, her head was bound to explode any moment. Every flash of red drew her closer to death._

_"Tell the truth!"_

_"PLEASE!"_

Her burning skin had faded to a shade akin to a fresh piece of parchment; her stiff limbs combined with the trembling gave her the appearance of having a fit, and had she seen herself she would most likely had been sick. But she was not with Albus Dumbledore in his office; no, she was fading into another memory, painful, but softer. Her arms, clamped tightly on her chair, slackened, and her violent shaking became a mere shiver. She now delved into the emotional pain of her friend.

_That same sad woman had reappeared in her mind's eye. The letter, written on frayed parchment and spattered with fresh sorrowful tears and running, watery ink was fresh in her mind once more. And even more painful, but written with obvious love and comforting spirit were the words that now appeared untidily splashed across the paper:_

_Dear Hermione,_

_I was very sorry to hear about your dad. I'm coming over tonight, and Ron and Ginny are coming with me. I know how horrible you feel. I've gone through this so many times in my life. The pain of losing a loved one hurts worse than any curse. I know it's different for you in a way though. I know you weren't able to restore your father's memory before he died. Just know in your heart though, he loved you whether he knew it or not. He loved you and was proud of-_

Rose's eyes snapped open. Her arms quivered with the overwhelming shock her body was now experiencing.

"The first memory I had was a letter. I saw it from the woman's point of view. Her father had died, but he didn't know her. It seems that his memory was taken away from him by someone, and she wasn't able to give it back to him. Her name was Hermione. I lived with her."

Professor Dumbledore's eyes seemed to pierce her.

"Did you remember living with Hermione?"

"No," she blurted.

"No, but I feel it. I have some connection with her. And with Harry, and Ron, and Ginny. I used to know them."

He gazed upon her pensively.

"And your second dream?" he coaxed quietly. Rose flinched.

"My second dream was considerably worse than my first. I saw it from Hermione's vantage point as well. Although, I did a lot more feeling than seeing." She cast her eyes downward, trying to shake off the tingles that still haunted her.

"What did you feel?"

"The Cruciatus Curse, Professor. Hermione was being tortured."

Very abruptly, Dumbledore stood, and walked to a cabinet. He removed a large stone bowl, although, it could be called a basin more than a bowl. It was not completely smooth, it was slightly rough, but what caught the attention of whoever saw it was the substance inside. A silver mist swirled around inside it's arcane depths. It was hard to discern whether it was a gas or a liquid; the lighting would change your thoughts at every glance.

"What is it, Professor?" she asked softly.

"This is a Pensieve, Miss Bennet. It is used to store and view memories," he explained, watching her carefully for her reaction.

"What would you like for me to do?" she asked slowly, comprehension furrowed in her brow.

"I wish to see your memories. I believe it would be very helpful in unearthing your past." He now placed two glass vials onto the table before her.

"I want to study them. Would you mind leaving them with me?" he asked her kindly.

"Of course," she stuttered in assent. "But- how?"

"You simply touch," he mimed this with his own wand, "your wand to your temple, and place it into the vial."

She reached for one, and self-consciously raised the rod to her own head. A warm smile spread over his face.

"You must relax, Miss Bennet. Let your emotions connected with the present fade away."

She relieved the tension that had gripped her muscles unknowingly, and relaxed back into her seat. Still feeling awkward, she forced her thoughts on things besides sitting across from the Headmaster and placing a stick to her temple. Without deliberation, a silver thread of light began to form at the tip of her wand. Sensing the strand withdrawing from her mind, she eased it away slowly, the illumination elongating, until finally she placed it into the small flask. This process she repeated, and when she finally opened her eyes, she felt lighter and more at peace than when she had first stepped into the Professor's office.

"Thank you, Miss Bennet. I'm sure that I will be able to help you more than ever now that you have been so kind as to grant me your visions."

"It's me that should do the thanking," she replied shyly, a blush tinting her cheeks, and her hands folded modestly on her lap. She now rose from her seat, and bidding goodnight to Professor Dumbledore, she left the office and shut the door behind her. She skipped down one, two, three steps before halting, and pivoting. She hopped up the steps and knocked again, and then entered the room.

"Professor, I had forgotten. I brought you this," she explained, withdrawing from her robes the mysterious device she had with her when she was discovered. The glass was ice cold, but the scorch marks made you afraid to lay a hand to it for fear of being burnt. The chain, fine and made of brilliant gold was clasped at the end, and the sands within the hourglass were delicate and refined as they always had been.

"I thought that even if you couldn't figure out what it was, that it was interesting enough. I don't have any use for it, except to stare at it and try to figure out what it is." Rose placed it carefully on the desk, and the old man smiled at her.

"Thank you. I shall indeed study it. It is as you say, interesting enough."

* * *

That night, Rose arrived at the common room exhausted. Though she was incredibly happy, she felt that she really could not stay for another game of exploding snap, and really she must go to bed, (despite the profuse protests of the Marauders). Lily let her go without a fuss, only she gave her a warm hug and told her to sleep well. The following moment was strange; unintentionally, she faced Sirius, and their eyes locked for a single second. She knew he was asking her, Will you sleep well tonight? She gave him an unintelligible and brisk nod of the head, before quickly escaping to bed.

_That night she dreamed of a picnic. A boy with red hair, a speckled face, and a pair of fun, obnoxious, lovable impossible blue eyes, (or was that just because she knew that they were?) sat on her left eating a sandwich stuffed with everything imaginable._

_"You know what Mum's been saying of course," he said with his mouth full of beef. She slapped his wrist._

_"Ronald, chew, swallow, and then talk," she scolded._

_"Well, she's been saying that too," he mumbled to himself, and a great laugh came from her other side. She turned to face him, and found a familiar person there. James! she thought, but her mind instantly rejected it. Silly. That's Harry! James had hazel eyes. Harry's were a beautiful green. As soon as he saw her turn to him, he suppressed his laughter, and contained it in a grin that might as well have been his previous sniggering._

_"What's your mum been saying?" she asked, trying to keep the conversation on track._

_"That Rita Skeeter's nothing but a busybody, vile scarlet woman."_

_"Well, that's true enough. But how could she write something that atrocious! Even after all that he did for the good of the magical community!"_

_"You know you can't convince her of that. She doesn't care who the news is about if it's interesting, as long as her own dirty secret doesn't get out," Harry input in the conversation. He reached for a sandwich of his own, and ate vigorously, if more politely than Ron._

_"We should give up the goods on her; put 'er out of business for good," Ron exclaimed. She eyed him darkly again, because bacon was now flying from his mouth._

_"That would be descending to her level and you know it. Besides, what goes around comes around. The world will only put up with her so long before it bites back."_

_"But if we really are the only ones who know her secret, and the only ones to get it back to her!" Ron argued._

_"Ronald, you are such a git," she said, rolling her eyes and taking up her own sandwich.

* * *

_

When Rose woke up, she was not fiercely terrified, saddened, or in pain, but a new feeling that she had not experienced now overwhelmed her. She hugged her pillow tight th oher chest, and cried small tears. Homesickness.


	9. Important!

Hey!!!! I'm really sorry about the long intervals guys, really. But, I wanted to go ahead and make a few things more clear after some questions I got in a review, (Thanks lvsthwt! And everyone else who reviewed!) Firstly, I am not going to tell you whether she gets her memories back or not, as it would ruin the suspense. Sorry!!! But you'll thank me later. This story should be about 30 or so chapters, if I predict correctly. I hope. : ) The dreams she's having aren't in any specific order. She's just having dreams about her past. I am, of course, making some of them up. I did use the scene where she is tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange, but I made up the other two. If you have any requests for dreams you want to see, just review and put your suggestion on there. If for any reason I can't use it because it might conflict with something, I'll let you know and won't just blow you off. Thank you so much for reading!!! I really and truly appreciate. Thanks and I love you!!!!

Love,

LHC


	10. Nickname

"I had another dream last night, Sirius," Rose said calmly. They were sitting next to each other in Potions. Professor Slughorn had started them off, and they were now brewing a Tranquility Potion. Sirius' head twisted to face hers now. She shied away from him in embarrassment, but then knew that she had initiated the conversation, so that it must continue. She regretted it. But then she didn't.

"What happened?" His tone matched hers. His voice was low. She shivered.

"I was on a picnic with Ron and Harry. We were talking about someone writing something mean and horrid. It was fun." She paused for a moment. "I miss them."

Sirius stopped plucking jasmine petals. "Do you remember them?"

"Hardly. It's as if... they were only a dream." She couldn't help but laugh. "And they are! Except that they're not. And Hermione certainly isn't either. I feel homesick, but I don't even know what I'm missing."

There. She had said it. Homesick. Why was that word just so disagreeable? The simple action of thinking it made her stomach ache without hunger, and her limbs tremble without the cold. She had set the ball in motion now. There was no stopping.

"And then I think about my parents. They must be so worried right now, while I sit in a warm castle learning magic I already know technically, eating three meals a day with friends and enjoying myself. I- I guess I feel guilty too."

"There's no reason for you to feel guilty," Sirius stated instantly. Rose laughed.

"There isn't? Their lives are worry and fear that I inflicted, yet I feel not a fraction of their pain as I enjoy the privelege of education."

"But you aren't exactly indifferent to the situation," Sirius pointed out. Rose stumbled.

"Well- that's-"

"True? Rosie, you know that you are probably in as crazy a situation right now as they are. With these dreams of yours, and not knowing who you are or who your family is; that's probably just as bad as what they're going through. And even more, you are actually thinking of what they are experiencing right now. That's just... wow."

Rose smiled. "Thanks, Sirius. That really made me feel better. But..." she trailed off mischeviously. Sirius' eyes widened, and his limbs froze. Cautiously, and without looking at her, he responded.

"What?"

"Well, it's just that you have a nickname for me, but I don't have one for you."

"Oh, no. No one calls me Siri! I won't stand for it!" His fist collided with the table as if he meant serious buisness. Rose laughed at his strange outburst.

"I wasn't planning on calling you 'Siri'. But for my mercy, you must reveal the experience that has led you to cringe at this name."

Sirius scoffed unconvicingly, "There was no exper-"

"Yes there was! It's painfully obvious. So confess, or I shall be forced to brew Veritaserum and discover this secret among others at a later time." Her threat was not real, but she actually did intend to make some Veritaserum for practice... and any other personal needs that ever came alomg.

"Fine, fine. Well, my girlfriend-" He was interrupted by Rose, who in a loud and strange voice asked "You have a girlfriend?"

"Yes, but we're pretty off and on. She's sitting up in the very front row. Her name is Emmeline. See her? With the long black hair?"

Rose nodded. "Are you off or on right now?"

"Unfortunately, on. But that's not the point. Anyway, in fourth year when we first started dating, she was very into the cutesy boyfriend-girlfriend thing. She started calling me 'Siri'. It was my childhood nightmare relived. My aunt used to call me that, and in a very strangely affectionate manner. As if she were looking at something delicous. I hate being talked about as if I were food."

Rose giggled. "So- does she still call you 'Siri'?"

Sirius' face darkened and turned hard. "Yes."

Rose laughed again. "If you could see the look on your face!" She paused for a moment to laugh and then continued on in a more serious (ha ha) vein. She wanted to know more about this girlfriend who had been around for so many years.

"So, why aren't you sitting with her then, if you're on at the moment?"

"Because I wanted to sit with you," Sirius explained as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yeah, but doesn't she have a problem with that?"

"Why should she?" Sirius asked dumbly.

Rose stared at him in disbelief. She spoke slowly now. "Well, most girls I know wouldn't want their boyfriend to sit with someone else. They would be jealous."

Sirius laughed. "I know what you mean now! Well, Emmeline and I, you must understand, aren't very conventional. Whenever there's a dance or what not, she counts on me as her date, and if she feels like a snog in a cupboard, then I'm there. To be perfectly honest, I haven't spoken with her since two months before school ended last year except for an owl in the summer she sent me to tell me how much she missed me." He scoffed at the end of his speech.

"So, why don't you just break up with her?"

"Why don't I? I like the way you think, Rosie. I just might after now. I mean, now that you-" he seemed to catch himself and redirect his conversation in the way he meant it, "well, now that you've kinda pointed out to me the worthlessness of the relationship, I might just, you know- break it off permanately."

Rose heard his stumble, and saw the expression on his face. She flushed._ Does he like me? Or was it just a mistake that he said it like that? But why did he look that way then? Oh, he's just so confusing. Why can't Sirius be easier to read? _

"You didn't see how worthless and non-existant the relationship was before I pointed it out?" she asked to cover her confusion.

"Well," he responded as he sliced the stem of an orchid, "it's complicated to explain. Remember, we were never conventional or, I expect, exclusive. I kind of knew it was never going anywhere, but then it was kind of a "for-the-heck-of-it" as the Americans would say."

"Weren't there other girls you liked though? Weren't there girls that liked you?" she asked. Sirius examined her face. Her eyes looked as though they dreaded the answer; her mouth curved in a frown that stated sadness. Thoughts raced through his mind. Why would she care if other girls like(d) him? Did she have feelings for him?

He answered now in a would-be casual voice if his expression did not betray him, "Well, yeah. A lot of girls fancied, or fancy me. But, I don't think they really like me. They like my hair." His grin was impish.

"Please tell me you don't do anything to it but wash and comb it," Rose mock-pleaded. Sirius laughed. She listened to it carefully. It was funny in itself. It was almost as if he were barking- it was not normal. It was unique. She liked it.

"I swear that I do nothing to it besides that. James has tried to do things to his hair before, but all attempts were a failure, so he now lives with it, and on occasion, makes it messier."

Rose laughed, (she had done much of that today) as she filled her flask for Professor Slughorn. When she returned to get her things, Emmeline was there whispering something into Sirius' ear. Rose held her breath in a jealous frenzy. That- that brazen -! She wouldn't even think names like that. Instead she whisked her bag onto her shoulder, and was about to say something to Sirius when she saw him pull away from the black-haired girl and shake his head. He picked up his own things and walked away from her and over to Rose. As they were walking out the door, Rose risked a glance at the raven beauty. She wished she hadn't. Her eyes were vicious and bitter, and her mouth was wide with shock. Apparently, she had been dumped before- but never for another girl! Her brows settled back into a serene state and her face became calm again. Emmeline glided back over to her desk, and picked up her own things. That was the last Rose saw of her the rest of the day.

* * *

She and Sirius walked in strange silence for awhile. They weren't awkward, but tension seperated them. 

"We never came up with a nickname for you," Rose said softly. Sirius smiled at her.

"You could just call me Sirius," he suggested.

"No, that's what everyone calls you. Besides, you have a nickname for me, so I should have one for you. And don't worry, you're safe from being devoured by me," she joked. Sirius laughed, but Rose wasn't. Inside she had just wondered if he really was safe from being devoured by her.

"Well, there is something you could call me, even if my friends would kill me for allowing it."

"Then I won't call you that around them. What is it?"

"Padfoot."

"Oh, because you were named after Canis Major! And a dog has padded feet!" she exclaimed. He looked at her in wonder.

"How did you figure it out so quickly?"

"It's a curse. I figure everything out too quickly, and my tongue is too fast to let it out. I don't know how, but that's just how I am. It's strange. I know so many things, but I don't know who I am."

"You'll discover it some day. Dumbledore's helping you now, and if he doesn't figure it out, then I'll help you!"

"Really?" She seemed stunned. Sirius was her friend, (or maybe more than friend) but that was just incredibly generous.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, it could take years!" Suddenly, a hard cold fact hit her. "It could take years," she whispered again.

"Don't cry! At least not here! I'll- let's skip dinner in the great hall. I'll take you somewhere else," Sirius pleaded with her. Tears were already sliding down her nose. She nodded as she dabbed at her face delicately with a handkerchief.

"But where else is there to go?" she asked in a watery voice. Sirius smiled at her widely.

"The Kitchens."

AN: Hey! Well, I wanted to clear something up. The reason that I named her Emmeline, (not Vance) was because the name means "rival". She's a rival to Rose/Hermione for Sirius, so I thought the name appropriate. Thanks for your dream suggestions!!! I'll definately use them! Thanks for all your support!!! I really appreciate all of you. You've made this story so far a great experience, and it's only gonna get better!!!


	11. Cliches and Muggle Games

AN: This chapter is filled with all the romantic cliches we saps love. I really am terribly sorry for the wait! But I swore I would do it, and did it I did! I am glad that I was able to salvage this chapter, and finally bring in some real romance! I hope you enjoy it. Toodley-oo! Review! (If you want). P.S. Next chapter she'll have flashbacks. I promise.

Sirius laughed at Rose as he watched her reaction to the enormous expanse of food preparation that he had brought her. Elves scurried about with large turkies in their arms, or copper stewpots with beef broth inside them. It only served to startle her more when they seemed to recognize the presence of their two visitors, and began to pour their ample and and zealous hospitality on them.

"Mr. Black, sir! It is good to see sir again! He has not come since classes began!" an elf squeaked, tripping over himself in his excitement. An eruption of joy was emitted from the mouthes of the others, as they rushed forth with trays abundantly topped with ham, cake, and tea.

"Sugar, this is Rose. We felt like skipping dinner in the Great Hall tonight," Sirius explained, hands jammed casually in his pockets.

"Sugar is pleased to meet Miss Rose! Sugar is wishing to do whatever Mr. Black and Miss Rose want!" Sugar offered enthusiastically.

"Whatever you've got," Sirius replied open-endedly. Rose was still in awe of the massive room full of busy and happy elves, all anxious to serve.

"Follow Sugar, sir!"

Sirius took her hand gently, leading her wherever Sugar took them. Rose's heart dropped through her stomach; her pulse twitched anxiously below her flushed cheeks. _Is this what heaven feels like? _she thought as she matched his stride. Her freezing hands seemed to melt with the slight grip he had around her palm, guiding her to a table as Sugar led the way.

Meanwhile... Sirius felt like he was soaring. He had never felt like that with a girl before, (and he had been with a lot of girls other than just Emmeline). She made him feel good- not the same way he felt around his friends. But it wasn't a passion; it was more than that. He didn't lust after her body... but he was growing increasingly interested in her heart.

Sirius pulled out her chair and with a flourishing, mock bow seated her. "Milady," he teased her with a roguish grin. She smiled goofily at him. _I must look like some kind of love-sick fool, _she thought, as her cheeks burned with embarrassment. Sugar returned from a brief scurry away to fetch something. She snapped her finders and instantly the red cloth she was carrying elegantly folded itself upon the table, and a vase of antique crystal appeared at the center, with a bunch of red, wild roses in it.

Sirius looked uncomfortable as he realized this was his usual date setup; the elves knew his regular theme, and seemed to have mistaken their visit as another one of his rendezevous. Rose tucked a curl behind her ear, her thoughts following Sirius' in a similar, but more worried, vein.

_Does he consider this a date? What if he doesn't? What if this is just what the elves do for everyone? What if he likes me? Oh, what if he likes me? What should I do? Do I like him? Well, of course I do. I think that the butterflies that seem to suddenly exist in my stomach have confirmed that. But what if he doesn't like _me?

_Say, something_, Sirius coached himself. _Don't just sit here like a buffoon! You like her, so go! _

"You feeling better?" he asked. He mentally slapped himself in the head.What a conversation starter. Why did he seem to lead them into miserable topics?

To his relief she smiled and blushed slightly, before speaking again.

"Yes. Much better. You seem to always know how to cheer me up." Her cheeks reddened more after she said this, but she laughed lightly.

"Glad I can help. A pretty girl like you shouldn't have to feel down." As he was speaking, food seemed to materialize on the table they were served so fast. They chatted away more comfortably whilst they were eating, and after bidding adieu to all the overzealous elves, they walked back to the Common Room together.

* * *

"Hey guys!" Lily said mischeviously. "Where've you been?" She winked. Sirius rolled his eyes at her. 

"Rose didn't want to go to dinner tonight, so I took her to the kitchens and we ate there," Sirius explained.

"Okay," Lily said with a sly and disbelieving smile.

"Really! I- well, I had another one of my breakdowns, so Sirius helped me out. No big deal," Rose said earnestly, trying to get them off the hotseat

"It seems that Sirius is always helping you out," Peter remarked innocently, obviously not knowing what he was implying. James laughed loudly, while Sirius glared at him.

"Bugger off," he said moodily. "Good-night, Remus. Rose," he said stiffly. "It seems as though you're the only ones that can keep a civil tongue in your head."

"But Sirius! It's only 7:30!" Rose called out after him. Sirius halted two steps up the stairs. He turned his head to face her, evaluating all their faces. Lily's was slightly shell-shocked with a tinge of a smile; James looked amused, expectant for his verdict; Peter watched him blankly, not caring which way it went; Remus was absorbed in his book, not even facing him; Rose, however, was looking at him hopefully. Inwardly he cursed himself. _I thought that I was the one who had mastered those eyes, _he thought. _How could she possibly pull them off like that? _Defeated, he let out a long sigh and joined them again.

"Fine. But everyone be pleasant," he said warningly. It was Lily's turn to roll her eyes at him. "Whatever," she said. They all kind of collapsed into a dull silence. Then James started to tap his fingers. He was staring off into space blankly and didn't seem to relize the effect he was having on everyone else, until every single person in the Common Room seemed to lose it all at the same time.

"SHUT UP!" they all shouted, practically in unison. He stopped, looking from Lily, to Rose, to Sirius and then the Remus. "What'd I do?" Lily sighed and shook her head, only serving to confuse James more. They were silent for another half minute before Lily finally spoke up.

"That's it!" she stated loudly, slapping the arms of her chair. "It's too quiet in here! Let's do something!"

"What do you suggest?" Sirius asked dryly, in a mood quite out of character for him.

"A game! No, not Exploding Snap," she told them, eyeing the all to eager expressions on Peter and James' face.

"What sort of game?" Rose asked interestedly.

"Well, I haven't played a good old-fashioned, teenage hormones running wild, muggle game in a while," she noted.

"Do muggles even have games worth playing? Besides that Ponoply thing with that creepy old geezer," James asked. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Of course we do. And it's Monopoly. And Mr. Moneybags is not creepy!" she defended.

"What sort of games?" Rose asked hurriedly directing her attention away from James.

"I don't know- games like Truth-or-Dare, or Spin the Bottle!" she exclaimed.

"Dares, you say?" James asked wickedly.

"I would have thought you'd prefer Spin the Bottle," she said.

"Why?" he asked confusedly.

"Because it's a kissing game!" she said, giggling.

"Count me in!" Peter said quickly, ( not many girls would kiss him unless forced, and this was his golden shot).

"Well, I say we should vote after I explain the rules," Lily stated.

"In Truth-Or-Dare, everyone goes in a circle and asks the person of their choice to either answer a question truthfully,or carry out a dare," she explained.

"Well, kissing could still be involved then," James said slyly.

"Yes, Potter, it could, " she said exasperated yet amused.

"Anyway, in Spin the Bottle, we spin a bottle, and whoever the top side lands on you have to kiss on the lips, excluding those who are of the same gender, meaning you spin again until you land on someone you can kiss." Everyone considered both for a few moments, before Lily called for a show of hands. Spin the Bottle won, four to two. James looked at Sirius strangely.

"Why'd you vote for the Truth Game, Padfoot? I for sure thougtht you wouldn't turn down a chance to play this other one." Sirius shrugged non-commitedly. Lily and Rose rounded up a few more people from their year, and they all gathered round in a circle with an old butterbeer bottle.

"Who's first?" Lily asked, authority over the game. James raised his hand, Lily rolling her eyes and handing the bottle over. "No rigging it, guys," she warned. James' face fell, and he tucked his wand further up his sleeve, hoping Lily wouldn't notice. He twirled it around, and it landed on a girl named Hecate. She blushed as he pecked her quickly on the lips, and they both sat down. Now it was Hecate's turn to spin. She landed on Remus, and blushing more furiously than when she had kissed James, (Rose imagined that she fancied Remus) kissed him slightly lingeringly before sitting down quickly and avoiding eye contact with anyone. Remus spun and landed on Loki, so he spun again and landed on Rose this time. She looked stunned, but stood and gave him a chaste kiss, and sat down, taking the bottle for her own. She didn't see it, but Sirius was seething. This was exactly what he wanted to avoid; Rose kissing other guys. Sure, it was just Remus, but the game would last longer than that. He didn't see as the bottle spun, slowing down, until it landed dead on him. Rose's face turned hot. Sirius still hadn't noticed that he was up. Remus nudged him. "Sirius!" he whispered sharply. Sirius looked. His eyes widened.

Rose got to her feet slowly and nervously, Sirius meeting her in the middle of the room. They both looked at each other before moving in slightly, cautiously. When their lips finally met, it seemed that both of them experienced an electric jolt in their heartbeats. Neither realized it, but soon, their lips were more than just touching- they were locked in a tender kiss. Sirius subconsiously pulled her closer, and she didn't realize her hands softly grasping his neck. When they finally broke apart, they suddenly realized what they had done; Sirius' arms were wrapped around her waist, and her arms were looped around his neck. Rose looked at him and laughed, bravely kissing him again quickly on the lips, and flopping back down to the floor beside Lily. She had a wide, goofy grin on her face. Sirius, in a happy daze spun the bottle while James and the other guys clapped him on the back and wolf-whistled. To his surprise, it landed on Rose again. She looked surprised, even.

They both stood again, this time more confidently. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her again, while she responded with gentle enthusiasm, hands pressed against his chest. This time, he smiled at her and whispered softly to her, "Be my girlfriend?" She whispered back,

"Yeah."

* * *

That night, when Rose was brushing her hair, she was sitting cross-legged on her bed gossiping with Lily. 

"So what were you guys really doing in "the kitchens"?" she teased. Rose laughed.

"We really didn't do anything but talk and eat."

"So?" Lily asked expectantly.

"So what?" Rose replied, confused.

"So are you going out now, or what?"

"Going out?"

"Are you his girlfriend?" Lily asked impatiently.

"Yes," Rose said happily, bursting into fits of giggles.

"Can you believe that the bottle landed on him? I was so shocked- the butterflies in my stomach were going mad! And then, when he got me next? That was just too- magical!" she said, collapsing onto her pillow. Lily grinned, stashing her wand under pillow. What could she say? It was obvious they needed a little push.


	12. Dreams Lost

AN: Sorry it's taken me sooooo long to update!! You know that writer's block you get? Well, I reread my story yesterday, and just started writing, and went nowhere in particular. I didn't mean for this to happen!! It just did!! Tell me if you think I should scrap it! Love, Moi

* * *

Rose waked on clouds after Sirius had kissed her. For the first time in her life, the teachers' words went through her ears without making a stop in her brain. Notes were taken (but with half-finished sentences) meals were eaten (but she only did ever take a bite of each thing, filling her mouth instead with words for Sirius) and dreams were had, (but they were daydreams now). She and Sirius took walks by the lake every day, holding hands and strolling, and he would flirt with her, (though not shamelessly) and she would shyly comment back. They would have "study dates" all the time, and come back without any of their homework finished. They disappeared for mysterious purposes for extended periods of time, and they always looked a bit high on each other when they came back.

Soon, Lily began to notice how little she saw of her friend anymore. She tried to shake it off. But the more she observed, the more impartially she came to the conclusion that Rose was getting lost. She was by no means jealous- she had James, and understood the same sweet bliss that Rose was feeling right now. But she began to be worried. Rose was doing something dangerous- investing her entire self in another person. She would never deny Rose the happiness of being with and caring for Sirius- but she was beginning to exist for Sirius' sake alone, and that tugged at Lily. All of this she contemplated while absently brushing her teeth. How could she tell this to Rose?

Rose absentmindedly hummed as she brushed her hair. She was sitting cross-legged on her bed, waiting for Lily to finish brushing her teeth so they could go to bed. Rose tugged on a curl, twisting it around her finger, then unraveling it. Twisting it, then unraveling it. Twisting it, then unraveling it. Twisting it then-

"Rose, you have _got_ to snap out of it!" Lily said seriously, plopping down next to her on the mattress.

"Hmm?" Rose said, breaking out of her trance.

"You've become a dream machine! Come back to the ground! I need you here! We, (she corrected) need you here." Rose looked thoughtful for several moments.

"Have I been that absent?" she asked, looking guilty, and ashamed, and anxious.

"Almost," Lily said regretting that she had to bring it up at all. "Rose, getting your NEWTs is incredibly important. You're very smart, of course, but- well, -I don't know how to say it gracefully," Lily sighed in earnest exasperation.

"What is it? Just tell me," Rose said, placing her hand over Lily's.

"Because- your NEWTs are doubly important because- well- because you can't remember anything. Your only connections are here, at Hogwarts, but when school is done-"

"I'll have to leave," Rose interrupted. Her expression was that of dawning comprehension- the true gravity of her situation was beginning to kick in. Her life here at school was no game. It determined how she would live her life, with or without her memory. How foolish she had been! When she first came here, she feared to leave. Now, it seemed as if the thought of leaving had never entered her head! Without and certified education, what doors were open for her? What opportunity was there for her to live, and be free and independent?

She truly cared for Sirius, ("and that won't stop," she muttered to herself) but it was as if she had stopped existing for his sake. He did not demand what she gave him- but nevertheless she gave it involuntarily, and knew it would be hard to stop. She would have to contemplate how best to withdraw a bit. She still wanted to be Sirius' girlfriend, without a question. But she suddenly felt so stupid- how she must have looked, following him around like she did, agreeing with everything he said and thinking the moon rested in his hands.

"Thank you, Lily," she said, her expression blank, but hurt. She turned to face her friend. "I really needed that."

Lily leaned over and embraced her dearest friend.

"I just don't want you to lose yourself," Lily whispered.

"I won't. I promise."

* * *

_Rose was in a field. She knew this field, but it was different. Not quite the same. She stood, stock still, for several minutes, but then she began to dance. Very slowly at first, but then a very little bit faster, and faster, and faster, and faster, and faster, and faster and - there was a cliff. Above it hovered Sirius. Rose stpped dancing. Sirius descended. He was now standing on the very edge of the cliff. _

_James suddenly appeared several feet to Sirius' right. And then Remus. And Lily beside Remus, and McGonagall beside her and then Flitwick and Hagrid and Rosmerta and Dumbledore and dozens of other people she knew. And then a few she knew only vaguely, as if within another dream. A woman with pink hair, and a tall black man, and a man with a wooden leg and half a nose and mismatched eyes , and many others. People who looked old enough to be her schoolmates- two girls who looked exactly alike with long and dark flowing hair, and a boy holding a toad, and a girl with glasses and pimples. _

_And Harry was suddenly there. And then Ron. _

_On Sirius' left, countless people began to materialize, going on for miles and miles. Rose knew some of them. Many she did not know. But they all stared at her. She ran again, towards Sirius, but saw someone else fade into the scene, next to Ron. It was Hermione. Rose paused. Hermione was looking at her; not like the others, either. It was a more intense look. A more pointed look. _

_Rose hesitated. She suddenly felt torn to turn and run the other way. _

_She looked down. Between her and Sirius there was a thin, gold line. She looked into Sirius' hopeful, grey eyes and saw him reach a hand out to her. She slowly reached toward him, but whenever her fingers passed the line, her eyes clacked out, and she felt cold and didn't feel whole again until she retracted her hand. She saw Sirius was beginning to cry. Oh, she couldn't take it anymore! She thrust her hand into his. She didn't fade. Everyone who stood on either of Sirius' sides now disappeared. Rose felt her heart rip in two, her love shatter, and her own self be torn apart._

* * *

Rose awoke clawing at her hair. She was drenched in sweat, her nightgown plastered to her body. _I destroyed them, I destroyed them_, was the only thought in her head, over and over. Her heart was racing and her blood was pounding and she couldn't hear anything but the shaking of her frantic, tortured breathing. Her legs were trembling so that she could barely stumble into the bathroom. She soaked herself with the water, fumbling around miserably with the faucet, shaken and disturbed as she was. She felt sick. Not just physically, but with herself.

"It was just a dream!" she choked, trying to make herself believe it. But it was much more than "just a dream". She knew that. Her dreams were always more than "just dreams". She knelt over the side of the bathtub just in time to throw up. Her quivering body collapsed to the floor. Rose lay there, shaking and sobbing, praying she wouldn't wake up Lily. Several minutes passed, panting and weeping there on the floor. Slowly, she pushed herself onto her elbows. Her body was at a mere tremor now. She somehow managed to lift herself onto her feet. She wiped her rancid mouth on a towel, and guided herself back into the dormitory.

She carefully opened the door and began to walk down the hallway to the stairs, leaning heavily on the walls the entire time. She eased her way down the stairs, (relying on the railing not to fall) and entered the common room, grasping the furniture for support. She finally reached the stairs for the boys dorms, and made the tiresome trek up them. She fumbled down the hallway, finally reaching the room that had the plaque on it that read "7th Years". She opened it and entered.

Squinting into the darkness, she scanned the ends of what she made out to be beds, and her eyes at last rested on a trunk with a silver "SB" printed upon it, along with a crest (which looked as if someone had tried their very best to remove it, but to no avail). She pulled back the hangings and sucked in her breath. She suddenly felt nauseous again. She couldn't believe she was about to do this.

_But I must, _she said to herself with determination. She poked his arm tentatively. "Sirius," she whispered hoarsely.

She shook his arm now, with more resolve than before. He rolled over and rubbed his eyes. When he saw here, he spoke confusedly.

"I'm always happy to see you, love, but at night I must admit I prefer it to be in my dreams."

"Sirius, this isn't funny. I can guarantee you're not going to like my reason for coming here."

This roused his attention. Leaning up on one arm he asked her

"No one's hurt, are they? There hasn't been an attack? Rose!" (he said, now getting a good look at her for the first time) "you look bloody awful! Are you okay?!" Rose felt her knees weaken. She lowered herself onto her knees and knelt beside the bed.

"I'm as fine as can be expected of me. No, nobody's hurt as far as I know. But… Sirius, I care about you-"

"Why shouldn't I like that? I care for you too, Rose," he said with feeling.

"I'm only more sorry it has to be like this, then," she murmured quietly, tears now threatening to burst through the floodgate.

"Has to be like what?" he asked, more sharply than he intended.

"I'm breaking up with you." She said this looking straight into his eyes, though her quiet voice wavered. He stared at her.

"Look, Rose, this better not be some bloody ha-ha joke. I'm serious about you. More serious about anyone than I've ever been." Rose had to smile.

"Aren't you - always… Sirius?" here breathing got caught between words. She reached a hand up to her throat, her breath slowing and becoming more difficult. Her face contorted in pain. She suddenly clutched her side.

"Rose?" Sirius said, his voice an urgent mixture of concern, wonder, and of hurt. Rose keeled over.

"Rose!" Sirius exclaimed. There were some groanings.

"I know you love her, mate, but I'm ruddy well asleep!" James called out grumpily. Sirius didn't answer. He pulled his dressing gown on quickly, and lifted an unconscious Rose over his shoulder, wrenching the door open. He flew down the stairs as quickly as he could without falling and was out the portrait hole. His bare feet slapped against the flagstone.

"Rose- are - you breathing?" he panted. She responded by choking out a strangled noise of pain.

"Oh, Merlin- Rose!" he gasped out in anguish. She had to be okay. She just had to. "Rose! Just- a bit- longer. We're gonna - make - it!" Sirius assured her. He spoke endearingly to her the entire way to the Hospital Wing.

"Rose- I need- you. You're gonna- gonna be alright. You have- have to be. Please," he told her, for the first time pleading with her.

"Rose - I need - you," he said again, urgently. "You're - You're gonna be- gonna be- alright. Do- you - hear me? Gonna - be - all -right!" He felt as if these words were wrenched from his chest. He hadn't thought about his own agony the entire way, but now couldn't ignore it. He burst into the Hospital Wing. He laid Rose gently on a bed, and immediately jogged as quickly as he could over to Madam Ringgold's door.

"Ma'a-m Ring-old!" he shouted incoherently as he banged on the door with both his fists. "Mad-em Ring-gold!" he shouted again, when the door opened suddenly to reveal Madam Ringgold in her dressing gown, looking startled and disgruntled.

"Mr. Black! What on Earth-" she began, before she noticed Sirius' frantic gestures to one of the hospital beds. She saw on it a shape that had not been there before, and immediately bustled over to it.

"Oh-my," she breathed. "Mr. Black, catch your breath, and then you must tell me what happened to Miss Bennet. I'll try and fix her up in the meantime," she instructed, gliding to and fro with bottles and a fresh hospital gown. She tapped Rose, and instantly she was clothed in fresh, clean white with her dirty lavender gown at the end of the bed. Madam Ringgold began to tend her, propping her up on several pillows and then beginning to slowly force-feed her potions, since she was not able herself.

"Destroyed, destroyed! Oh, what am I to do?" Rose suddenly began to mumble. Madam Ringgold paused, and listened to what she was saying.

"No," Rose cried out. "No! No, no, no, no, no! I mustn't! I mustn't! Oh, Sirius! I'm sorry!" she raved, her hands clutching at the sheets. Sirius suddenly materialized next to her bedside.

"I'm so selfish, so selfish! Can't!" she insisted. "I- can't-love- you," she whispered, her sudden strength lapsing from her. Sirius was very quiet now. He sat in a chair next to her, and clutched her hand. Madam Ringgold didn't shoo him away either. She just continued her work, her heart inside her broken. _Poor, duck_, she thought to herself. _Imagine finding that bit of information out this way. _Sirius continued to stroke Rose's clammy hand. He almost felt as if he would cry. How was it selfish for her to love him if he loved her too? Why was she so unable to love him? A tear fell from one of his eyes and landed on her hand. It took him a moment to register what had happened, until Rose whimpered. She swatted at the place as if it were burning her. She began to thrash back and forth, as if her body was on fire. Sirius panicked. He wiped the tear away with the sheets. It was as if someone poured ice cold water on her. She became calm again, except for the tears that were now flowing down her own cheeks. He wiped them away.

"Mr. Black," a voice interrupted his reverie. Sirius looked up into the understanding face of Madam Ringgold. "What happened?"

"I hardly know myself," he replied distantly. "One minute I was asleep, the next she was beside my bed, waking me up and telling me- telling me that she was breaking up with me. And then, she just keeled over. She could hardly breathe. I- was- am- so scared," he explained to her.

"Mr. Black, unfortunately I think it's time for you to return to your own dormitories. I'll write you a note, lest you get detention," she said, kindly. Unexpectedly, she looked down. "Mr. Black, where are your shoes?" she wondered in a whisper.


	13. Conversations

When Rose awakened the next morning she was in a hospital bed. Her soiled nightgown was replaced with a new one. Everything was white. Light was streaming in through the window, casting a heavenly glow on the sheets, yet Rose felt infinately troubled. She wished she were still asleep so that she didn't have to endure the agony of Sirius' face swimming in front of hers. Was it him who brought her here? She only remembered feeling as if she were about to die, and then feeling as though she were on fire. Tears, she was swimming in them, and they scorched her blood. And then to wake up to such a blissful day? Should not the very sky fall down? She wanted to hurt something- she wanted to hurt herself. She felt so wretched. So, very, very wretched. And yet she had to.

"Like a poison in my blood," she whispered. What did that mean? Where did that phrase come from? But it was so right. Sirius was a fast-acting poison for her. One taste, and she began to wither away. "Why do I continue to feel as if it is not the losing myself that matters, but rather losing him?"

"I am not a love doctor, Miss Bennet, but I might be able to answer your question," Rose heard a sage voice say. She turned to face the doorway. There was Professor Dumbledore.

"Professor Dumbledore," she breathed.

"Miss Bennet, is there something you would like to tell me?" he questioned knowingly.

"I had a dream last night, Professor," she confessed.

"Would this have anything to do with why Mr. Black brought you here last night at 2:46 in the morning?"

"It has everything to do with it," she said, closing her eyes and miserably flopping her head back on the pillow.

"Tell me about your dream."

"I was in a field. I- I felt as if I had been there for a long time, but this was not the same field it always was. It felt different- and yet the same. I stood there, for what seemed like hours. Just existing. I remember how sad I felt. The grass danced around me, and suddenly I began to dance too." She looked at Dumbledore, who had turned pensive.

"Do continue."

"Yes. I danced forever, and it felt glorious. I was just me. For the first time, I felt burdens shed. It was like letting- letting_ poison _out. I felt blank, fresh, brand new. And yet, I was still sad. Then, I stopped dancing. The field was on a cliff. And on the edge of the cliff was- was, well, Sirius."

"Ah, now we reach the point where Mr. Black enters the story," Dumbledore said, letting his eyes dimly twinkle at her in reassurance.

"Yes. I began to run towards him, but when I got halfway to him, James suddenly appeared, at his side. And then Remus and Lily and countless others, and- people begin to appear on his other side, and then Harry and Ginny and Ron. Everyone was looking at me so intensely. As if trying to tell me something. But then I- I looked at Sirius!" She was now beginning to cry. She had not recounted her dream from top to bottom like this yet.

"Quite alright my dear, quite alright. But if you don't get it all out now, it will only hurt more later. Here," Dumbledore said comfortingly, handing her a handkerchief. She dabbed her eyes with it, sniffed, and tried to continue.

"I started to run towards him again, except, then another person appeared beside Ron. It - it was- it was Hermione. The way she looked at me, it was unbearable!" Rose cried for a bit, unable to continue for a moment.

"And- and then I noticed that there was a gold line between Sirius and I. I knew I wasn't supposed to cross it, but he looked at me like he wanted me to, and I knew I wanted to, so I reached out to him. But I couldn't. I would began to fade away when I did. And everyone just kept looking at me! And finally, Sirius, he started to cry, and I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to go to him so badly, and I just crossed the line. And- as soon as I did, everyone else disappeared. And I was in agony! And then- that was it."

"What sort of agony?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

"I felt as if I was being ripped in two on the inside. And I knew I had destroyed them. I had utterly destroyed them. It was- it was me!" she wailed, blowing into her handkerchief.

"Why were you compelled to seperate yourself from Mr. Black after this?" he asked.

"Should I not have?" she asked weakly.

"My dear, I believe you were right to. I only want to know what your reasoning is." She looked very slightly comforted at this.

"My dreams, they aren't just nightmares. They mean something. I- I felt these people- they- they were _real_. I know they were. And I felt so- selfish, pursuing Sirius. I knew, even in my dream, I understand now- that I knew that I would have to choose between Sirius- and, and the rest. And I chose Sirius, and it destroyed them! And me!" she explained emotionally.

"I believe you have left out something. Would you care to share what that is, Miss Bennet?"

"I- I don't know-" she stuttered.

"Miss Bennet, you and I both know that is not truthful," Dumbledore said kindly, his eyes twinkling again.

"I- yes, sir. When I chose Sirius, I- I felt him crumble in my arms. And I- it hurts more than anything! That choosing him would hurt him more than us not being together. I- couldn't let it happen, Professor! I couldn't! I feel- I just feel so awful about myself right now! I care more about harming Sirius- than any of the others!"

"There, there my dear. I am proud of you. Words cannot explain how much admiration I feel for you right now. There is a difference between doing what is right and what is easy, and you have chosen what is right. That in itself is so very impressive." He patted her hand, and got up to leave, when he turned and faced her.

"I almost forgot. Miss Bennet, while I agree with your decision to disengage yourself from Mr. Black, I do not believe you ought to disengage from the rest of the world. You will find yourself quite depressed if you do that. Might I recommend a bit of solitude when your thoughts are stormy, and when you need cheering, the company of Miss Evans?" he said to her.

"After all, it does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live." He turned from her once more, then began to leave.

"Professor!" she called out, unable to help herself. He rotated to face her, smiling.

"Professor, if I shouldn't dwell on my dreams, does that mean- does that mean its alright for me to be near Sirius?" she asked tentatively.

"My dear, there is a difference between acting on dreams, and dwelling on them. You have acted on what you know is more than a dream, and I believe the course of action is correct. But do not allow yourself to linger on it, feeling remorse and anguish over it. You must learn to live without Mr. Black's company, as he must learn to live without yours. Good day, Miss Bennet," he said, winking at her, and finally leaving.

Rose laid her head back onto her pillow. She sighed. How miserable she was. How her heart ached for comfort- for Sirius' comfort. _I don't want to be right_, she thought. _I want to be with Sirius. _She began to cry again, holding her head in her hands, weeping uncontrollably. It was then that she felt two arms around her. Two, strong, warm arms.

"It's alright, Rose. It's alright," Sirius whispered.

Sirius didn't sleep again that night. He loved Rose. Loved her. He had never loved a woman before this, and now he knew how painful it was. He most of all couldn't understand why he had to endure this pain. He couldn't even bring himself to be angry with Rose for a moment. He recalled how vivid her pale face had appeared against the black room, and how her eyes glimmered with those tears. And when her breathing slowed- he couldn't even describe how terrified he felt. It was like being tied up at the edge of a cliff, and watching the one you love being pushed off against her will. He felt so helpless. So weak.

He lay in bed, feeling like he wanted to die. Anything would be better than the way he felt right now. He tossed and turned this way and that, trying to be comfortable, but there was not a bed soft enough to cushion the dead weight of his heart. As soon as dawn had broken, he showered and dressed and left to go to the Hospital Wing. He started off at a run, but the more he ran the harder it was for him to keep the pace. He had run all last night, and hadn't slept more than a few hours. He slowed to a brisk walk, and made his way there as quickly as could be. He reached those two, fateful doors. He sighed. This was the moment of truth. He was just about to push on them, when he heard voices from the inside.

"I had a dream last night, Professor." Sirius sucked in his breath. That was Rose.

"Would this have anything to do with why Mr. Black brought you here last night at 2:46 in the morning?" Sirius' eyes went wide. Professor Dumbledore!

"It has everything to do with it." Sirius felt his palms sweating. Was this the reason that she came to see him in the middle of the night? Why she broke up with him?

"Tell me about your dream."

"I was in a field. I- I felt as if I had been there for a long time, but this was not the same field it always was. It felt different- and yet the same. I stood there, for what seemed like hours. Just existing. I remember how sad I felt. The grass danced around me, and suddenly I began to dance too." Sirius could just picture it. He saw her there, twirling around amongst wildflowers, with her feet bare, and her beautiful hair spinning around in the wind. The field was merely an accent- she was the beauty in it.

"Do continue."

"Yes. I danced forever, and it felt glorious. I was just me. For the first time, I felt burdens shed. It was like letting- letting_ poison _out. I felt blank, fresh, brand new. And yet, I was still sad. Then, I stopped dancing. The field was on a cliff. And on the edge of the cliff was- was, well, Sirius." Sirius felt his muscles tighten.

"Ah, now we reach the point where Mr. Black enters the story."

"Yes. I began to run towards him, but when I got halfway to him, James suddenly appeared, at his side. And then Remus and Lily and countless others, and- people begin to appear on his other side, and then Harry and Ginny and Ron. Everyone was looking at me so intensely. As if trying to tell me something. But then I- I looked at Sirius!" At the sound of her suddenly bursting into tears, he wanted to burst through the doors and wrap her in his arms, and tell her everything was alright. That he was still here- still hers. That he would always be hers. But instinct kept him where he was.

"Quite alright my dear, quite alright. But if you don't get it all out now, it will only hurt more later. Here." Sirius was now clutching the doorframe.

"I started to run towards him again, except, then another person appeared beside Ron. It - it was- it was Hermione. The way she looked at me, it was unbearable!" Sirius felt a sudden wave of resentment towards Hermione. Towards all of these people! How could they look at her like that? He could just see their expressions, eyes tearing into his love menacingly. Even James. Even Remus. Even Lily.

"And- and then I noticed that there was a gold line between Sirius and I. I knew I wasn't supposed to cross it, but he looked at me like he wanted to, and I knew I wanted to, so I reached out to him. But I couldn't. I would began to fade away when I did. And everyone just kept looking at me! And finally, Sirius, he started to cry, and I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to go to him so badly, and I just crossed the line. And- as soon as I did, everyone else disappeared. And I was in agony! And then- that was it." Sirius' breathing sounded so loud to him.

"What sort of agony?" Sirius was not sure he wanted to know.

"I felt as if I was being ripped in two on the inside. And I knew I had destroyed them. I had utterly destroyed them. It was- it was me!" The ramblings of his darling from the previous night began to make more sense to him. He remembered what she said, the words, echoing throught his brain.

"_Destroyed, destroyed! Oh, what am I to do? No! No, no, no, no, no! I mustn't! I mustn't! Oh, Sirius! I'm sorry! I'm so selfish, so selfish! Can't! I- can't-love- you."_

His heart wrenched as he recalled her words. _I can't love you_. These hurt worst of all!

"Why were you compelled to seperate yourself from Mr. Black after this?"

"Should I not have?" Sirius felt his heart jolt with hope.

"My dear, I believe you were right to. I only want to know what your reasoning is." It hurt worse than before. It felt as if someone had rammed a knife through his chest. He felt his heart tighten once more, and his eyes smart.

"My dreams, they aren't just nightmares. They mean something. I- I felt these people- they- they were _real_. I know they were. And I felt so- selfish, pursuing Sirius. I knew, even in my dream, I understand now- that I knew that I would have to choose between Sirius- and, and the rest. And I chose Sirius, and it destroyed them! And me!" Sirius could hardly bear much more.

"I believe you have left out something. Would you care to share what that is, Miss Bennet?" Sirius pricked his ears.

"I- I don't know-"

"Miss Bennet, you and I both know that is not truthful."

"I- yes, sir. When I chose Sirius, I- I felt him crumble in my arms. And I- it hurts more than anything! That choosing him would hurt him more than us not being together. I- couldn't let it happen, Professor! I couldn't! I feel- I just feel so awful about myself right now! I care more about harming Sirius- than any of the others!" Sirius felt like crying out to her, _'Do you know how this feels? Nothing could be worse! Nothing!' _But found that his mouth was incapable of speech.

"There, there my dear. I am proud of you. Words cannot explain how much admiration I feel for you right now. There is a difference between doing what is right and what is easy, and you have chosen what is right. That in itself is so very impressive." Sirius could not share this admiration. He still could not understand how one of her infernal dreams could affect their relationship like that. Wasn't he the one who always sat and listened to her? Held her when she cried? Consoled her when they caused her pain? Or worry? Or distress? Or confusion? He heard footsteps- they stopped, and Dumbledore spoke again.

"I almost forgot. Miss Bennet, while I agree with your decision to disengage yourself from Mr. Black, I do not believe you ought to disengage from the rest of the world. You will find yourself quite depressed if you do that. Might I recommend a bit of solitude when your thoughts are stormy, and when you need cheering, the company of Miss Evans? After all, it does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live."

"Professor!" Rose's voice rang out, piercing Sirius' ears. The shuffling footsteps halted again.

"Professor, if I shouldn't dwell on my dreams, does that mean- does that mean its alright for me to be near Sirius?" Sirius couldn't even bring himself to hope. He could feel Dumbledore's answer in his very bones.

"My dear, there is a difference between acting on dreams, and dwelling on them. You have acted on what you know is more than a dream, and I believe the course of action is correct. But do not allow yourself to linger on it, feeling remorse and anguish over it. You must learn to live without Mr. Black's company, as he must learn to live without yours. Good day, Miss Bennet."

Sirius had the sudden good sense to duck around the corner, and wait for Dumbledore to pass through the door, close it, and walk around the corner opposite the other end of the hallway. Sirius had a feeling Dumbledore knew he was there.

Once out of sight, Sirius opened the door himself (at last) to find Rose, face in her hands, weeping. He strode quietly across the room, and put his arms around her. He felt her body stiffen in confusion.

"It's alright, Rose. It's alright," he murmured in her ear, hoping to comfort her.

Rose looked up and saw his face. She only sobbed harder.

"Oh, Sirius! Don't you understand you're only making this more difficult?"

"How? I love you, Rose! I do!" he confessed on a sudden bout of emotion.

"You can't understand! You can't understand! I- I can't love you! I want to, but- I mustn't, I mustn't!" she cried fervently, shaking her head at him.

"Rose, I heard you talking with Dumbledore. I heard all about your dream. And I think it's a rubbish reason to break up with me," he told her firmly, his hands gripping her wrists now.

"It's not rubbish! I wish it was! Then I might be free! But- you cannot understand! I can't hurt them, I can't hurt me, and most of all, I can't- hurt- you!" She tried to pull her wrists from his grasp, but he held them.

"Sirius, let go of me," she said quietly. "Sirius- you must let go of me," she said, looking him in the eyes. He understood what she meant. She wanted him to let go of her- not just her wrists, but her heart. And he found he could not.

"I can't do that Rose. Just as you could not stop breathing and still live, I cannot let go of you and do the same. I've- I've never felt like this. I've never felt as if I needed someone so badly that life without them could not exist. I've never felt- like- like my existence depended on another's. And- I barely know you, yet I know you better than myself. I shouldn't feel so deeply for one whom I've known for such a short time. But I do. And- and Rose, I swear it Rose, you're not going anywhere in my life. Do you hear me? Do you hear me, Rose?!" he said, shaking her. His body was trembling with feeling. Rose looked away from him, steering clear of his eyes, knowing she would not be able to resist what she found in them. He shook her again, and she pushed against him.

"Sirius, you're hurting me," she whimpered.

"Not as much as you're hurting me," he said, eyes steady and hands shaking.

"Sirius, if you don't let go now, it will only hurt more when you finally do. I- I know so. I haven't let go- of you yet- either!" her voice cracked, and she broke down crying again.

"You're deadly for me, Sirius, and I'm deadly for you. I'm like a-like a thorn in your heart, and you are in mine, and every moment we spend together, we drive the poison in further! And the further the thorn is stuck, the more blood, the more tears will come out when we finally withdraw them."

"You're no thorn, Rose. You're a blossom, stuck in my pathway, bringing so much into my life that I can't walk around you. The only way I will move is if I can pick you off your stem and carry you with me."

"You can't do that, Sirius. It's not just you and me we're talking about. If it were so- I'd gladly walk with you to the ends of the Earth. But as it is- it's not. There are others- and I can't help but feel they depend on me. And while I'm with you- they'll be cut down, along with us."

"How can any of them depend on you! Rose, listen to me. You- had- a - dream," he said, still trying to catch her unwilling eye. "Dreams and realities are different-" he said throught gritted teeth.

"Dumbledore said-"

"I KNOW WHAT DUMBLEDORE SAID!" Sirius roared.

"BUT I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU ROSE!" Sirius' voice now broke, "I don't."

"Roses aren't just petals, Sirius. They're tall, and beautiful, and give off a fragrant scent. But if you cut one off the plant, and stick it in a vase, it will die eventually. Sooner than it would if it were left alone. Sirius, you'll be the death of me, just as I would be the death of you."

"As you will be the death of me." He told her resolutely.

"I've reasoned with you more than I should have to, Sirius," she said in a watery voice.

"You've given me no reasons," he said defiantly.

"I can't make you understand. Perhaps one day, you will. But- but for now- leave me alone." She finally looked into his eyes. They were hard and strong, but covered with a glassy film. Her cheeks were streaked with tears that Sirius still swears looked the palest of pinks. Gently, she removed his hands, (which had loosened their grip into a feeble hold) and returned them to him. "There," she said, letting the tears slip down her cheeks. "Take your heart. I should only soil it, as you've ravaged mine." Sirius looked strange. He then realized that he himself had shed a tear.

"You know, I never cried till I met you," he said, trying to laugh a bit. Rose weakly smiled.

"Good-bye, Rose," Sirius said, kissing her hand as though made of precious metal. "For now," he added, as he turned back to look at her from the door. Rose laid her head back on the pillow, and cried herself back to sleep.


	14. Important! 2

Author's Note:

Okay, guys. I know I promised an update, but... I'm a little stuck, (workin' on it!) and I just found out we're going on vacation for three weeks. Don't hit me please!! I promise though, that as soon as I am back I will have not one, not two, but three!! Three!! Three delicious chapters waiting for you. More apologies!!

Love,

Lady Hermione


	15. Coping and The Dreams Return

AN: Guys, I'm so sorry it's been so long!! I can only pray for your forgiveness. There's just a touch of language in this chapter, so just thought I'd warn you. The next two chapters will be up as fast as I can type 'em! Love you!!

Sirius' emotions were very tumoltuous and confused for the next several days. At some moments he felt as though he wanted to wither and die and at others he wanted to beat his fist through the stone wall. His heart would ache inside his chest for Rose, and then half a minute later he would feel like storming into the Hospital Wing, shaking her by the shoulders, and demanding that she give him a reason, (besides her lame cop-out, of course). He was teetering constantly between strong and weak, soft and hard. He had never had such a storm raging inside him before. When he had been upset with his parents, there there had been no tug-of-war of emotions. He hated them, and that was at. By he felt as though he was on some kind of a carnival ride or something- going up and down and around. James and Remus could get nothing out of him. Sirius They could hardly even probe him to eat. Peter was scared out of his wits by Moody Sirius, and sat next to James during meals for "protection".

Rose already felt sick on the outside. But her real sickness was in a place that no Healer could heal. It was in her soul. She was so miserable without Sirius. She wanted to crawl on her knees all the way to him, to hold him, beg of him to embrace her, kiss her, love her. But she couldn't. _This is so stupid!_ her mind screamed. _You had a dream and broke up with the man you love? _She wanted to give into that voice so badly. It called to her, soothed her.

_I don't care what my instincts say, I don't care what Dumbledore says, I'm going to have Sirius and I don't care who suffers the consequences! _she resolved. _Just do it. Just write a note to Sirius and tell him to come see you. Just ask Madame Ringgold for some parchment... _her mind coaxed her.

**NO!** a different voice called to her.

_Why not?_ she responded angrily. _Why the hell not?_

_**You know why the hell not!**_

_No, I really don't, _she stubbornly persisted.

_**Because of duty! Honor! **_**True**_** Love!**_

_What I am doing is the duty to myself, and to Sirius. That is true love, _she bristled, feeling feline.

_**It is not. It is selfish, unwhole love.**_

_I love Sirius with my _whole_, __**entire**__, being! _

_**Have you ever heard that if you really love something, let it go?**_

_Of course, and it's the biggest bunch of cliche pigswill there is._

_**See past tomorrow and listen to me!**_

_I see past tomorrow and into eternity and Sirius will be right there beside me in it!_

_**You're being destructive. You'll only wreak havoc upon your life, his, and so many others. Let Sirius walk away, let him be free, free yourself!**_

_I am freeing myself! I'm freeing myself to love and be loved. I'm freeing myself from guilt! And, I'm freeing Sirius. _

_**The truth and the truth alone will set you free! You do not know the truth yet! Wait for the truth, Rose. Only then will you understand.**_

"I understand perfectly, thank you very much!" she spat venomously to her sensible, inner voice.

"Dearie, are you alright?" Madame Ringgold bustled over, breakfast tray in her hands, looking very concerned.

"I'm fine, Madame Ringgold," she said stiffly.

"Are you sure? You look very troubled, dear," she pressed, examining the dueling expressions on Rose's face.

"Really, Madame Ringgold. I'm alright," Rose insisted, her tone soft but biting.

"Could I have some parchment, and a quill and ink?" she asked the Healer.

"Of course, dear," Madame Ringgold said, her expression clearly baffled, as she hurried off to fetch some.

_You do not know the truth yet,_ a voice repeated distantly. Rose took a defiant bite of toast which she chased down with pumpkin juice. Madam Ringgold returned with parchment.

"Thank you," Rose replied, as she handed them to her.

Dearest Sirius,

I know I've told you to leave me alone. I know that I've hurt you terribly. I know that my reasons have been stupid. But as I've been lying here in this wretched cot for all of these days, I've felt as though I've been crumbling from within. I can't stand not being with you. I need you. I miss you. I love you. Please, please, please come and see me tonight, and never let me send you away again. I cannot bear this! Please come, as soon as you can!

Love, love, love!

Rose

Rose signed her name slowly, willing the ink to embody all her emotions and somehow breathe them back to him. She blew on the ink, helping it along, before folding it into quarters. She suddenly felt very tired. She set the letter on her nightstand and lay her head down, her mind now set at ease. She allowed herself for the first time in days to relax upon her pillows. The world drifted away very slowly, but she felt at peace. Her breathing slowed. She was asleep.

* * *

Rose slept much longer than she intended to. She slept through lunch, and even through dinner, not moving except for her chest, steadily up and down, up and down. Madame Ringgold checked on her periodically, pleased that she was getting such rest. She had been having night terrors and dreams for the past several nights. She didn't think that Rose's sleep had amounted to more than a couple of hours every night. She was always thrashing about, throwing her pillows off the bed and sending the bedclothes everywhere. She stirred not, her beautiful, thick curls splayed on the pillow. Her face even looked as though it were smiling. She saw the parchment that she had given Rose earlier, folded into quarters. She was most tempted to read it, but walked away instead, leaving a pitcher of water on the nightstand.

She had just been about to dim the lights in the Hospital Wing when Lily Evans walked in.

"Miss Evans! What a late visit! I assume you want to visit Miss Bennet?" Madame Ringgold exclaimed, nearly running into the redhead.

"Yes, Madame Ringgold," Lily said breathlessly.

"She's asleep, first time in awhile," Madame Ringgold said apologetically.

"Please, Madame Ringgold?" Lily pleaded.

"You may sit with her," she gave in (it wasn't very difficult, she was a bit of a pushover). "But do not wake her please!" she whispered loudly as Lily passed her, heading for the curtained bed. She entered on tip-toe, diligently trying not to wake Rose. She sat in the single chair next to her bed. Rose looked so peaceful. Lily hadn't been able to visit her since she became ill. She had been told by Madame Ringgold that she would accept no visitors. Lily looked at her closed eyelids. Cautiously, she reached over and took one of Rose's hands. She slept on. Lily began to gently stroke it. What was going on inside Rose's head? What was hidden in her memory...?

* * *

"Dear, is that an owl?!" Mrs. Granger called to her husband, looking wildly out the window. It was three in the afternoon, Sarah-Anne Granger had just put on tea when she looked out the window above her sink and saw an owl, with what looked like paper tied to its leg, flying towards her house.

"Hermione! Charles! Come look! There's an owl outside!" she called again.

"An owl, Mum? But owls only fly at night. They're nocturnal. I read it in-" Hermione looked out the window and her own eyes went wide.

"Dad! Come look at this! It's an owl!" she shouted.

"I'm coming, dear. An owl, you say? Well, dear, they only fly at nigh-" he stopped himself, next to his wife and daughter, and watched as the owl landed on the window. It leaned forward and tapped on the glass twice. They stared at it. It stared back. It tapped on the glass again. Hermione went to open it, but her mother arrested her wrist.

"No, Hermione. We are not going to let that thing into the house. It would fly everywhere! Besides, it's probably wild, and dirty!"

"Mum, it has a letter on its leg! I'm sure of it! And its smart, too. It wants us to let it in. I- I know it!"

"She's right," said a prim voice from behind them. They all whipped their heads around. A woman in a long, deep green dress with a short black cloak was standing before them. She had her hair pulled into a rigid, tight bun and her lips were very thin. Her eyes had crows feet aroung them, and there were several folds in her cheeks.

"Who are you and why are you in my house?!" Charles Granger demanded.

"I am Professor McGonagall. I teach at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry," she introduced herself. She crossed past them and opened the window. The owl fluttered in and extended his leg. He then turned from them and flew out the window. Sarah-Anne's face was twisted in shock and horror.

"Professor Dumbledore, Headmaster of the School, wishes for me to extend an invitation for Miss Granger to come and learn magic at Hogwarts," she said, answering the second half of Mr. Granger's question.

"Magic? What kind of rubbish is this?" he asked suspicously, putting himself several paces between the woman and his family.

"Since you are of non-magic parentage, you probably are not familiar with magic, except that which your daughter has done, of course," McGonagall explained.

"Hermione? Do magic?" Sarah-Anne said dumbfoundedly,

"Yes, though she can't control it yet."

"Magic doesn't exist," Hermione said matter-of-factly.

"Doesn't exist?" Professor McGonagall said with a smile. She suddenly began to shrink downwards. Within moments a cat was sitting in her place. Sarah-Anne screamed. Charles jumped backwards. The cat gave them knowing looks. McGonagall now appeared.

"What did you just do?" Hermione whispered.

"I am an Animagus. I have an alternate animal form. It is not particularly common within the Wizarding community," she explained.

"I don't think I can do anything like that," Hermione said earnestly, eyes still wide.

"You've never done anything you can't explain?" McGonagall asked, digging for answers she knew were there.

"No," she said at first, shaking her head. McGonagall gave her a sharp look.

"Yes," she reconsidered.

"Last month, I didn't know the answer to my test, and my pencil wrote it out for me. And when I was 9 I made a bunch of dodgeballs beat George Hadely over the head because he teased me about my hair. And when I was seven, and everyone forgot it was my birthday, I went to bed and woke up and it was my birthday all over again and everyone remembered. And- so many other things! I can make a paper airplane fly without touching it! I can make the lights go off when my parents come to make sure I'm not staying up late reading!"

"Hermione! Why haven't you told us about all of these things?" Charles asked her seriously.

"Well, I thought I would get in trouble," Hermione mumbled truthfully.

"Never apologize for talent," McGonagall said, smiling. She handed Hermione the letter the owl had had.

"Thank you, Professor," Hermione said quietly.

* * *

The scene melted away. She was now in a tent. It was storming. The tent was crammed with stacks of books, several tin cans and a few pieces of furniture. The entire place reeked of cats. She felt the tears that were threatening to burst from the floodgates.

"Leave the Horcrux," she heard Harry say stonily. The redhead wrenched it from around his neck and threw it angrily into an armchair.

"What are you doing?" Ron addressed her.

"What do you mean?" she said, caught thoroughly off guard.

"Are you staying, or what?" he demanded. She knew what he wanted her to say. She felt as though her heart was splitting in two. She loved them both so much! Felt loyal to both of them so much! But how could she leave Harry? She had promised to come on this quest with him, and to stay and see it through, no matter how uncomfortable, trying, and long it took. She knew. She knew that she would have to turn him away for Harry.

"I..." _Hermione, you must say it. You have to tell him._ "Yes- yes, I'm staying. Ron, we said we'd go with Harry, we said we'd help-" she pleaded, reasoned with him.

"I get it," he said harshly. "You choose him." Was that-_ jealousy_, she detected in his voice? Before she could work it out he was throwing back the entrance of the tent.

"Ron, no- please- come back, come back!" she called despereately to him. She bumped into an invisible wall. Of course, that stupid Shield Charm! She quickly fumbled for her wand, and removed it. She threw herself outside, following his deep, mucky footprints. She looked around, not feeling the enormous rain drops pelting her face, gluing her hair to her head and cheeks. There was only darkness and the faint shadows of trees there. She looked at the ground where the footsteps went. She took in a sharp breath of hope. She followed them to the other side of the tent. She saw Ron there, making adjusments to his rucksack. His red hair clung to his neck and ears, and his face had a hard, determined, stubborn look on it.

"Ron!" He turned to look at her. He turned away again, his blue eyes frosty.

"Ron! Please, please don't go!" she said, arresting his arm, holding it gently, yet firmly, with her slender fingers.

"I'm tired of it, Hermione. I'm tired of enduring all of this shite and not getting a Knut of thanks for it! Harry's arse can-"

"Ron!" she said sharply. "Do you think Harry's the only one here that needs you? Do you honestly think that I'm enjoying this any more than you are?" she cried. He didn't answer her.

"I'm tired of it, too, Ron! But it's not about you or me! It's about-"

"Harry," he answered darkly.

"No," she whispered, stunned. "It's not about Harry. Harry isn't that kind of person, Ron. He's not out for glory, or more fame. He's doing this for everyone. _Everyone_. I would've thought you'd learned this lesson in our fourth year at school, but I supposed not!" she exclaimed.

"Go. Just go, Hermione," he said to her, shaking his head, looking at her venomously.

"No, Ron. Stay. Stay and help me, help Harry fight against evil. We need you more than you think!" she said, tightening her grip on his forearm.

"You don't need me! Harry Bloody Potter's in there! Famous Harry Potter! Who's brave and brilliant and gutsy and all that stuff. And you! You! You know everything there is to know on this planet. Best in our year. Always the smartest. And then there's me. Ordinary, not in anyway talented or useful, me! You don't need me! You've never needed me!"

"That's not true, Ron! You know that's not true!" Hermione was openly crying now.

"Why do you want to keep me around, anyway?" he shouted to her.

"Because we love you!" she said, tugging on his arm. He stared at her in hard disbelief for a several moments- their eyes locked, hers leaking tears, and his searching the depths of her sincerity. He yanked his arm from her and took several paces back from her.

"You don't love me," he said quietly, before turning on the spot, leaving flying mud behind him. She burst into tears. "I love you, Ron! I do! I do love you, Ron!" she screamed at him. But he couldn't hear it. She drug herself back into the tent.

"He's g-g-gone! Disapparated!" she told Harry.

AN: I know I don't deserve it, but would you please, please, please review? Thanks!


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